As the season draws to a close, we get a glimpse into the home lives of the Real Housewives. Who makes them Housewives? Whose houses are they wife-ing? This episode definitely feels like everyone is winding down and getting ready to put all the wigs and drama away. We get a lot of scenes of the ladies with their kids, catching up on their lives. But that also means there’s not much to dig into — and there’s a whole lot of socially responsible content that’s difficult to snark on. Let’s give it a try, shall we?
First up is Porsha. She’s enjoying some much-needed free time between rehearsals for her “play” and recording sessions for her “podcast.” She’s roller skating with Rickey Smiley and he’s quizzing her on what she wants in life. She says she’s too busy for a baby right now, but doesn’t really want to slow down. Rickey Smiley offers to go back to her apartment so she can practice dating and smashing. The Bravo editors keep playing the sexy music and doing slo-mo shots of them laughing and looking at each other. I’m not interested in this relationship, especially if all Rickey Smiley is going to talk about is Porsha’s ass. When she falls, he does CPR on her ass. I want Porsha to be happy, but I’m not interested in his dude for her.
Cynthia is working at her modeling agency and school, which includes her saying things like, “Block off those dates!” and then her staff corrects her. Kenya stops by to see Cynthia and they giggle about Kenya’s outfit. Kenya says, without any irony or humor, “It’s hard being a wife.” She repeats over and over this episode that Mark needs her to pick out his outfits, book his plane tickets, and be on the phone with her constantly. I think she married to a child? Not like he’s childish, but if he can’t pick out his own outfits, he might be an actual literal child. That stuff isn’t cute or sweet. Cynthia and Kenya catch up about NeNe and Kandi’s tour and Kenya says that she ended up with so much footage after the PSA recording that it’s now morphed into a half-hour special.
I have EVEN MORE QUESTIONS about the PSA now. Where is this going to be aired? Is it going to be aired? I wanna start a podcast called What Is the Point of This and have every episode just be about this PSA. It will run for 100 episodes and be picked up for four HBO specials.
Kandi is at her office and Don Juan busts in because she just bought the property across the street. Kandi is about multiple. Revenue. Streams. Google is going to be moving in down the street, so Kandi wants to be there with a smoothie shop or an apartment building. I’m fully prepared for Kandi to add “slum lord” to her résumé. She sits down with Todd and Don Juan to talk about the issue with NeNe. Kandi doesn’t know how to handle the situation and she (kinda) wants to bring NeNe back on tour with her. Todd just keeps going, “IT’S A JOKE. SHE’S A COMEDIAN!” and Don Juan is the only one with some damn sense in his head. He has to keep reminding Kandi that NeNe fucked up and Kandi has to think about it from a business perspective. Then Todd says that the president says terrible stuff all the time, so it’s okay? NOT NOW, TODD. Kandi just wants the whole thing to blow over.
Back at Chateau Shereé, the interior designer says that everything is going to take a little longer than anticipated. I thought everything was finished?! They’re bringing in doors! What is happening here? Shereé gets a call from Tyrone and she lets him know that the basement is going to be his man-cave and their work-out space. That’s her surprise for him when he gets out of prison. She wants a destination wedding and he’s ready to blend the whole family together. He says that he’s “too blessed to be stressed” and right at that moment, the recording comes in and says, “This is a call from a federal prison.” The universe knows just how to shut your shit down, doesn’t it? Just when you’re feeling good, the recording from the federal prison cuts off your call with your girlfriend.
NeNe is at home with Brentt and Brentt says he wants to be a comedian. I’m sorry. What? This child is a black hole of charisma and NeNe wants to mentor him, but we have no evidence that NeNe knows what comedy is. So far, her most notable comedy moment is telling someone to go get raped. This whole thing is preposterous. Also, Brentt thinks stand-up comedy is a great way to make a lot of money. Psst, Brentt, your mom’s money isn’t from her stand-up, okay?
Cynthia goes to visit Noelle at her internship. Apparently, Noelle is obsessed with dentistry and has found her passion. Sure. I’m fine with this development. The best part of this segment is Cynthia being SUPER PROUD of Noelle and acting like a mom. Cynthia might be a supermodel of the world, but she’s still a 50-year-old mom proud of her baby and her dental internship.
Kenya is having a group of domestic-violence survivors come to the premiere of the PSA. Is that really what a bunch of survivors want to see? A PSA with angry male voice-over? The women are getting a day in a salon and donated gowns for the event, and all of these women are all delights. Still, Kenya finds a way to make the day about how she found her husband. I can’t with this bitch.
Meanwhile, Shereé’s daughter is home from college and Shereé makes her one hard-boiled egg, oatmeal, and coffee. When she finally spills the news that things are getting serious with Tyrone, her daughter drags her own mother for dating someone in prison. It’s savage, but honest and necessary. Just remember what you’re doing, Shereé.
It’s finally time for the PSA event and unfortunately, Mark won’t be joinin— PSYCHE! Mark surprised Kenya! He slinks into the event looking like the rich, materialistic guy in a Tyler Perry movie who ends up being an allegory for the devil. I also didn’t hear him speak for what was probably a half-hour of time at the event. At a certain point, I wondered if he was capable of speech. Did Kenya marry a sexy mannequin? It’s possible.
I won’t make fun of the PSA. I will not. It’s for a good cause.
The writing could have used some work, though.