The Real Housewives of Potomac
As I watched this episode and Karen was distributing printed-out copies of tweets and demanding answers, I wondered to myself, “How old is this bitch?” She’s walking around with printed-out copies of tweets. She thought it was a good idea to print out tweets and is so shocked and scandalized by them. She somehow left off the retweets, but she still printed them off. I asked myself, “How old is this woman” so I looked it up. I Googled a woman from television to find out her age. The internet told me Karen is 54 years old.
FIFTY. FOUR. YEARS. OLD.
There’s literally no reaction to this fact that will make me look like the good guy in this situation, but I’m just going to go ahead anyway.
I refuse to believe that a woman who printed out Twitter is 54 years old. That’s solid mid-60s behavior. That’s the behavior of someone who was born in the ‘50s. Look at Cynthia Bailey. Look at Karen Huger. YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT ONLY THREE YEARS PASSED BETWEEN KAREN’S BIRTH AND CYNTHIA’S BIRTH?
Now, I don’t want you to think I’m upset at Karen for lying about her age. I get it. I really do. But this really explains a lot. Karen wants us all to believe that she’s 50 and 4 years old. Karen thinks she’s gotten away with that lie. She thinks she can get away with anything.
That’s why I don’t trust that 50-faux-year-old broad.
The main dramatic thrust of the episode is Karen’s financial troubles, of course. We’re also introduced to the new Housewife, Candiace Dillard. She’s a pageant gal who is friends with Ashley and Ashley manages to throw a little shade on the different national pageants that Candiace has done. “She’s only done Miss United States and I competed in Miss America.” No one else knows or cares about this distinction, Ashley. Candiace doesn’t get to do a lot in this episode. She shows up at a brunch at Ashley’s suddenly successful restaurant. (I almost typed “Ashley’s suddenly successful relationship” and that’s true too.) Candiace is loud and she loves to screech in approval at her new friendship with Monique. Candiace also goes out to lunch with her fiancé and calls him a “susband” or “soon to be husband.” I have never hated a woman more than I have hated Candiace.
There’s a few other scenes before the ultimate confrontation with Karen. Robyn is moving into a new house with Juan and it’s still unclear if they’re in a real relationship, but Robyn calls out Ashley in a confessional interview for judging her anyway. She says that Ashley married a rich man and doesn’t know what it’s like build something with a man. I’m not gonna argue with anyone of that. Oh! Also, Gizelle and her boyfriend Sherman run off to fuck in a field.
It’s time for the press conference that Karen has organized. She’s rented a private room at a steakhouse and had her assistant set out peanuts. Karen has demanded that her assistant take notes, but no one else is allowed to keep a record of anything Karen says or does … except for the cameras recording her “press conference.”
All the women file in and Gizelle has made a T-shirt to celebrate the Hugers but has covered up the back that says “#FreeUncleBen” and “#TaxReform.”
Karen calls the meeting to order and lets everyone know that if she gets any sense that they’re there to hurt her, she’s calling the whole thing off. Now let’s get to WILDLY overreacting and being UNREASONABLY defensive.
Karen is also wearing a Gucci belt with a gold Gucci logo the size of a LaserDisc and a skintight camouflage jumpsuit.
After Karen goes through Gizelle’s tweets, Robyn just says that she wants to know the truth so they can be supportive and asks if the move was a result of the tax stuff. Karen just keeps saying over and over, “I’m married and financially independent.” She also says that she’s never filed jointly with her husband and never had a joint checking account. I know people that have been dating for like a year who move in together who get a joint checking account. I feel like she’s trying to repeat “financially independent” enough that the IRS believes her.
Gizelle asks if Karen is going to say with Ray and if he ever mentioned anything about his business. Karen says that she’s got her own money. Gizelle just says, “Karen don’t work!”
We all know Karen don’t work. We ain’t never seen Karen do anything close to resembling work, but Karen is also allegedly 54.
Karen fires back at the ladies that Ashley’s husband is on Grindr and his dick is all over Instagram. So you do know what a blog is, huh, Karen?
We can only watch Karen shout “MIND YOUR BUSINESS” at the ladies so many times before it all gets so tired. Karen stands up and accuses them of having a gang mentality. Most of them literally just said, “We care about you and just want to know the truth.” Is that what Crips or Bloods get tattooed on their stomachs after their first kill?
Gizelle asks if Ray is being indicted and we get hit for that “To Be Continued…”