The Real Housewives of Potomac
Is it just me or is Real Housewives of Potomac absolutely bringing it? I mean, in this episode alone, we had the fallout from a potential DUI, a divorce bombshell, and a ropes course! Maybe this is just me but you cannot go wrong with putting people on a ropes course on TV. Yes, I was raised when the height of reality-TV competition was the original Real World/Road Rules Challenge, and that show was, like, 60 percent ropes courses. Then you tell me that these over-primped ladies are putting on helmets and climbing up some rickety wooden ladders. I’M ALL IN. Let’s get to it.
We’re still at the dinner on the first night and Ashley is trying to distract everyone from Candaice’s feud with … well, anyone older than her by walking everyone around to their rooms at the resort. Bravo? Unless we’re getting a full-blown fight over the room selection, I don’t need to see the process. Unless Karen and Gizelle are throwing punches over a king bed, I just don’t care. Candaice gets on her phone with her fiancé when they all pick their rooms and her fiancé is gassing her up. “Don’t let nobody talk to you like that!” says a man who is staying in a house paid for by his mother-in-law. Monique and Ashley can hear Candaice screaming down the hall and Monique is starting to regret her choices.
Monique sits down with Candaice and tells her that she doesn’t want to see Candaice get pushed out of the group for doing exactly what Monique told her to do. Monique doesn’t want her relationship with Charisse to get in trouble and she tells Candaice that she’s going to have Charisse’s back over hers. This is about to be a full-on mess.
Meanwhile, Gizelle is having trouble reaching Sherman and I really hope their relationship is okay. That’s pretty much the only relationship I believe in right now.
Before heading down to a very fancy dinner, Robyn and Gizelle gossip a little bit about Monique “falling asleep at the wheel.” Robyn wants to know if Monique has a problem, and I don’t care if you’re drunk or not — if you’re falling asleep at the wheel, something has to change.
Ashley spends most of the episode talking about how special the Nemacolin resort was to her family and how her grandfather used to take her to Nemacolin resort to show Ashley what she could achieve. If I’m the Nemacolin resort, this is a strange paid advertisement. When they get down to dinner, Ashley is distracted because her mother is asking her for $500 instead of getting ready to move out of her house. I’m trying to be sensitive to Ashley and her mother, but then her mother goes and does something like that.
At dinner, Karen has decided that now is the time to demand an apology from Gizelle for calling her husband “Uncle Ben.” My theory is that although Karen is completely incapable of having a sense of humor about herself, this is more about how she can sense that she might be given the Charisse treatment and have her glass of Champagne taken away, so she’s inventing petty drama for camera time. Because who the fuck cares, Karen! You’re old. Your husband is old. He kinda looks like Uncle Ben. Just laugh at yourself and move on. Protecting him isn’t going to keep your marriage together.
The next morning, everyone is getting ready for their day in nature by putting on fake lashes. Monique keeps saying that she was overextending herself and she needs to hire a nanny. Okay, Monique. Charisse says that Karen told her something while they were up having a heart-to-heart and Karen wouldn’t want her to spill it. So of course, she’s going to spill it later. After a day of fishing and skeet shooting, half of the girls sit down for a picnic and Charisse says that Karen is going to set her up with Blue Eyes. WHAT! Gizelle says that there was a sighting of Karen and Blue Eyes cuddling and Ashley is ready to spread it around. Karen doesn’t seem too concerned that people are saying that Karen is having an affair.
The ropes course is perfect. The best moment is Karen screaming “FUCK” at the top of her lungs while she’s doing the four-foot-high course.
After the ropes course, everyone gets together for dinner and Karen says that at the fishing excursion, Candaice’s name came up. And of course, Candaice wants to know what was said. Monique jumps in to try to salvage the situation. She says that maybe Candaice was a little reserved at first but maybe getting in all those fights (that Monique did not approve of) wasn’t a great impression either. Ashley says in a confessional that Monique is hanging Candaice out to dry.
Candaice throws out the potential jealousy between Charisse and Monique and Monique tries to play those comments off like a joke. This is all going left for Monique, and I’m very much excited for it. What doesn’t help Monique’s situation is Robyn asking about Monique’s four martinis.
Monique says, “I can have five martinis before I’m throwing up.” Wait. What? That isn’t like the threshold for drunk driving. Monique also keeps trying to repeat that she wasn’t tipsy. She was just sleepy. Ah yes, alcohol has never made anyone sleepy before. It does not have a depressive effect!
Then Karen tries to shut down Ashley for the Blue Eyes accusation and throws the rumors about Michael in Ashley’s face. Ashley seems to think the difference is that no one has seen her husband having an affair with a man when her stepson saw Karen. Rock-solid proof. It doesn’t matter if someone saw Karen with Blue Eyes or not, because the real bombshell is that Charisse reveals what Karen told her the night before: Ray asked Karen for a divorce!