Reporting live from hell, The Hollywood Reporter has gotten word that “Hey There Delilah” — that Plain White T’s stalker song you’ve been shamefully singing at karaoke since 2006 — is being adapted into a TV show, for some reason. Front man Tom Higgenson originally wrote the song about that one time he met a Columbia student-athlete obviously named Delilah (she’s real) at a party, told her he was going to write a song about her despite her having a boyfriend, then showed up at her house some months later with this creepy song about their whole imagined long-distance relationship. Higgenson now plans to turn that meet-cute (???) into a scripted series described as a “contemporary fairy tale that expands the story within the song,” which are many words that aren’t what they should be: a horror show. What’s next? “Every Breath You Take”?!