Fans of boring white men with square jaws, rest easy in the knowledge that ABC is programming The Bachelor for you. The network announced today that Colton Underwood, who competed in Becca Kufrin’s season of The Bachelorette and had a messy time on Bachelor in Paradise with Tia, will be the franchise’s next Bachelor. Colton’s a former NFL player and a human ball of insecurities, but he’s probably best known for being a virgin, which means ABC will probably put lots of emotional conversations in this next season about all that. Expect Chris Harrison to reach levels of smug heretofore thought impossible during the fantasy suite episodes.
You might say he’s losing his Bachelor virg … you know what? Not worth it, never mind. Photo: Craig Sjodin/ABC