With Beto O’Rourke fever sweeping through the great state of Texas, Ted Cruz is doing everything he can to transform himself into a cool and hip guy worthy of serving another term in the senate. And you know what that means! Hype people blasting t-shirt canons to crowds, basketball stunts, maybe some confetti, and Cruz dabbling in the art of comedy with iconic lines such as “stop, humor time!” (Okay, the full joke: “What do you call a Democrat in Texas? An endangered species.”) Too bad everything he touches literally combusts in front of his eyes. There’s a metaphor here somewhere.