vulture investigates

Did Drake Just Get Ethered by a Diss Track From 16-Year-Old Jacob Sartorius?

Before we answer the question of whether or not Drake just got bodied by a teenage star, let us back up about 3,000 steps to establish a foundation for this (definitely not real) celebrity feud. What you need to know to decide whether or not a 16-year-old named Jacob Sartorius threw “shade” at Drake in his new song “We’re Not Friends” — which is what a source talking to Us Weekly would have you believe — is that Sartorius used to date Millie Bobby Brown, who said one time on a red carpet that she is friends with Drake and that he is “so fantastic” and that they text. That’s how we got the headline “Jacob Sartorius Throws Shade at Ex Millie Bobby Brown’s Friendship With Drake,” which Vulture will now lightly investigate.

Sartorius and Brown reportedly started dating at the beginning of this year. They then apparently broke up in July. In September, Brown was asked on a red carpet about her “relationship with Drake,” and she said he is a “great role model” and gives her advice “about boys.” Now Sartorius has a new EP coming out and most of the songs are said to be about Brown, including “We’re Not Friends,” where the alleged Drake shade occurs. In the pleasant acoustic track, Sartorius sings: “We’re not friends / Do you think I really wanna hear about him / I do it for a reason, not just to be nice / Girl I wanna give you more than good advice.”

And there, perhaps, is the so-called shade. (Or at least that is our best guess.) Is Sartorious referencing “good advice” as a shot across the bow at Drake? What is it that Satorius wants to give this “girl,” who would be Brown if this was a Drake diss track? Actually, don’t try to answer that. Stop thinking about that question. But if this is meant to throw “shade” at the 32-year-old Canadian MC, then why does the song sound like it’s being sung from the perspective of a kid being friend-zoned who is tired of hearing his crush go on about other boys? That would be strange considering Sartorius did “date” Brown, but maybe Brown would continue to call Sartorious after their breakup to talk about Drake, for some reason?

Other questions raised by Vulture staffers include, “i think the most confusing thing is that it doesn’t sound like it’s from the perspective of an ex?” And, “why have i listened to this song 10x and only just heard this child utter the words ‘slide through’? Boy what is your curfew?” And, “omg its less than three minutes long?” All of which prompted one writer to depart the conversation by saying, “u know what i absolutely must go. i’m not inviting demons into my home. good night!”

So is “We’re Not Friends” truly meant to “shade” Drake? Honestly we do not know, but if so many members of the Vulture staff had to lose pieces of their souls to try and find some grain of reason inside this tempest of teenage angst, then it was only right to make you all share in it with us.

This Teen’s Drake Diss-Track Is a Songwriting Master-Class