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How Is Kevin Spacey’s Bizarro House of Cards Video Not Even the Worst Kevin Spacey News Today?

We can only assume the power went down at Kevin Spacey’s publicist’s house last night, knocking out their alarm clock, leaving them to bolt awake, screaming “We slept in!” when news of the former House of Cards actor’s “Let Me Be Frank” video hit their phone. That’s the only way we can wrap our heads around releasing a Christmas Eve character-defense video of both Frank Underwood and Spacey himself.

In case you’ve been under a rock for the past year, go back. There is nothing for you here. For everyone else, you know by now that Kevin Spacey was removed from his Netflix political drama after reports emerged that he allegedly sexually harassed or sexual assaulted several young men and teenage boys, beginning with a BuzzFeed profile of Star Trek: Discovery star Anthony Rapp, who revealed an incident in which an adult Spacey allegedly attempted to have sex with a then–14-year-old Rapp.

Multiple investigations subsequently began in both the United States and the United Kingdom after several men came forward to report their own alleged run-ins with Spacey. So, seemingly in response, the actor posted an objectively creepy video Monday as House of Cards’ Frank Underwood, in which he leans perhaps a little too hard on the whole “if you didn’t see it, it didn’t happen” concept. Also, did we mention it is literally Christmas Eve right now?

“I can promise you this,” Spacey-as-Underwood vows in the video. “If I didn’t pay the price for the things we both know I did do, I’m certainly not going to pay the price for the things I didn’t do.” In case the timing couldn’t be worse (which it almost can’t; at least it’s not Christmas Day?), news also emerged Monday that Spacey has been charged with sexual assault in Massachusetts.

The charge stems from an incident that reportedly took place in July 2016, in which the actor allegedly plied the 18-year-old son of former Boston WCVB-TV news anchor Heather Unruh with alcohol at a Nantucket’s Club Car Restaurant and sexually assaulted him, reaching into his pants and grabbing his genitals. According to the Boston Globe, “Unruh said her son fled the restaurant when Spacey excused himself to use the bathroom and a woman urged the youth to run.” Spacey will be arraigned on January 7 for indecent assault and battery, a felony offense.

Odd Kevin Spacey Video Not Even the Worst Spacey News Today