Brooklyn Nine-Nine is finally back! After Fox callously canceled it last spring after five seasons, NBC picked it up almost immediately, and it returns to the air this Thursday. It will likely also mark the return of “name of your sex tape!”
Detective Jake Peralta (Andy Samberg) started poking fun at high-strung fellow cop (and now wife) Amy Santiago back in the first season by turning her accidental double entendres into imaginary sex-tape titles, which quickly evolved into a running gag.
Here then is a list of every sex-tape joke that Jake (for the most part) has delivered on Brooklyn Nine-Nine so far.
Amy: I’ll get my stuff, but this better not bite me in the ass.
Jake: This Better Not Bite Me in the Ass, name of your sex tape.
Amy: Why doesn’t your mouth work?
Jake: Why Doesn’t Your Mouth Work? Title of our sex tape.
Jake: Your sex tape! What? No.
Gina: Eek, blast of cold air coming out of that box.
Jake: Name of Amy’s sex tape!
Amy: I just got it out of the vent to rub it in your faces.
Jake: I Just Got It Out of the Vent to Rub It in Your Faces, name of your sex tape.
Judge Marinovich: One more “but,” and you will be in contempt.
Jake: One More “Butt” and You’re in Contempt, name of your sex tape.
Amy: Just as long as we’re clear, I’m with someone and nothing is going to happen.
Jake: I’m With Someone, Nothing’s Going to Happen, name of your sex tape.
Jake: So … we broke a rule.
Amy: Yeah … I hope it wasn’t a mistake.
Jake: I Hope It Wasn’t a Mistake, title of your sex tape. Title of our sex tape!
Amy: Can you magically make everyone kind, sober, and fully dressed?
Jake: Kind, Sober, and Fully Dressed. Good news everyone, we found the name of Santiago’s sex tape!
Amy: I’m sorry about tonight.
Jake: I’m Sorry About Tonight! We found the title for Santiago’s follow-up sex tape.
Amy: It’s not your fault, I was terrible.
Jake: It’s Not Your Fault, I Was Terrible is also one of your sex tapes.
Amy [to Charles]: It was slightly less unbearable with you. [To Jake] Don’t!
Amy: I’m horrible at this. When can we stop?
Jake: I’m Horrible at This —
Amy: I know, I know. Title of my sex tape.
Jake: Huh, well done. Title of my sex tape!
Amy: I’ve been looking, but I can’t find anything and I don’t know what to do.
Jake: I Can’t Find Anything and I Don’t Know What to Do, title of your sex tape.
Amy: I’m so confused, I don’t know what’s happening right now
Jake: I’m So Confused, I Don’t Know What’s Happening Right Now, title of your sex tape.
That Awkward Moment
Jake: I love guns. I’m gonna make such a good dad.
Amy: Not even going to touch that.
Jake: The Amy Santiago Story.
Jake [to Captain Holt]: My Mother Has a Fantastic Basement. Title of your sex tape. Too soon?
Amy: Uh-oh. I hope it doesn’t get too sexual.
Jake: Uh-Oh, I Hope It Doesn’t Get Too Sexual, title of your sex tape. But seriously, what is taking so long? Also, the title of your sex tape.
Amy [after Jake proposes]: Oh my God, I’m shaking, I’m definitely gonna cry. Title of your sex tape?
Amy: I could go on and on and on.
Jake: Is something no lover of yours has ever said.
Seamus Murphy: Let’s kill them both, get out of here before the cops come.
Jake: Wait, no, no, no, I was lying about the backup. I came alone. Title of my sex tape!
Charles: But why don’t we take this map and this sextant and chart a course to the restaurant?
Captain Holt: Title of your sex-tant tape.
Jake: Ah, did not work at all, but I love that you attempted it.
Charles: Jake and Amy Are Getting Married Tonight. Title of my sex tape!