We’re officially in the longest government shutdown of all time, a milestone that doesn’t exactly warrant party hats and one of those iconic Momofuku cakes. What that does mean, though, is Stephen Colbert doing some theorizing about why exactly President Trump hasn’t relented in his quest to keep government employees from going to work, and dare he say, it may not even be because of the border wall at all. Because upon the realization that FBI employees have a funding stalemate in the midst of the shutdown, a Trump impersonation comes out to play by our dear host: “Wait a second, are you saying if the shutdown continues, the FBI can’t investigate? Hello, hello? Chuck and Nancy? I’d like to reopen negotiations. The first offer? Eat my butt.” Sure, eat his butt, but maybe also eat that conspiracy.