The Real Housewives of Atlanta
The only thing more upsetting than seeing these women in outright conflict is seeing each of them seething under the surface. The quiet rage where you know they can’t stand each other (or their husbands) is worse than the screaming matches. It’s terrifying. It’s also so ominous because literally zero of these people are skilled at conflict resolution. Right now, everything is snarky comments under their breath, but you know the full-on explosion is coming. And c’mon, I gotta care about this NeNe–Tanya feud that’s brewing? Where are the Tanya stans? Show them to me to justify this new friend of the show.
Everyone is still packing and preparing for the trip to Tokyo. Kandi is putting the finishing touches on a commercial and photo shoot for the Dungeon. Kandi, I’m gonna say it again — maybe reclaiming the accusations about having an assault dungeon is not the smartest business move. Sexy is your brand and you do it well, but do we really need photos of you making out with your husband to clap back at people who said you two used to drag people down to your dungeon against their will?
Eva stops by the Dungeon photo shoot that’s happening in … let me see here … the back of an abandoned antique store? Kandi and Eva talk about Kandi’s goal to employ over 100 people a year and she’s been hitting that goal with the restaurants so she needs to up it. Kandi better keep focused on making sure all her employees get paid. Wasn’t that an issue a little while ago? Eva is there to check out the status of all the friendships before they head out on this trip. She asks about Porsha and Kandi and there’s no more there there, Eva.
The other issue is Eva is worried about her friendship with Porsha. Eva doesn’t believe that she’s shady. Someone needs to show Eva that montage they keep showing of her talking shit about everyone then deciding she didn’t do it. Someone should also tell her that all of this is being recorded. Eva wants to know about Porsha calling out her alleged shade. Maybe if you stopped being shady or played off your shade in a fun way, no one would feel the need to call you out! I can’t think of a better time to fly across the world together.
NeNe heads over to see Porsha for their pre-trip check-in. Porsha hasn’t washed her face in days and she’s been eating chips that have been sitting out. Where is the Original Hot Dog King to wash her face and feed her fresh encased meats? Porsha still hasn’t told the girls that she’s pregnant so she wants to arrange some kind of show to announce her pregnancy to the ladies. NeNe and Porsha do a little role play to simulate how Porsha and Kandi could get along on the trip. Porsha keeps saying NeNe’s impression is too friendly and you can hear the punctuation between each of Porsha’s words as Kandi. That’s. how. you. want. it. to. be. You. unfollowed. me. Even while imitating her worst enemy, Porsha keeps it light. NeNe says if Porsha keeps talking about Kandi, her baby is going to come out mean. NeNe is full of weird old wives’ tales.
It’s time for the flight to Tokyo and Eva says this is about to be her ratchet hangover-inducing bachelorette party. Putting something out there like that should have everyone knowing that’s not what’s about to happen. Everyone has a fashionable hat on.
NeNe arrives with Gregg and she’s got six bags and they’re all Louis Vuitton. Unfortunately, NeNe and Gregg are in the middle of something. It’s almost as if refusing to deal with a cancer diagnosis beyond changing your diet would create stress that ripples out from the patient to their immediate family. NeNe explains it later that she’s the only one taking care of Gregg and when she was leaving for the trip, he snapped at her that he’s running around doing shit for her. He also tells the women to get her out of town. Well, I guess this explains certain social-media behavior from NeNe about Gregg. Porsha and Kandi have some fake interactions before boarding the plane.
When they finally land in Tokyo, all of Marlo’s bags have been lost. There’s probably $15,000 worth of hair products alone in that bag. FIND IT! Marlo’s hair is not sewn-in. This is going to be a long-ass trip.
Porsha reveals that she got a tattoo to match Dennis but she didn’t get his name. Clever girl. Well, up until the point she thinks Cynthia’s boyfriend is named “Chris.” Bitch, that’s not even CLOSE.
It’s time for a little lunch and Tanya introduces them to their cultural guide for the week. She is amazing and clearly doesn’t know what she’s about to get into. Her first instruction is that they should always be prompt. Ma’am. Ma’am. That ain’t happening.
Eva says that she’d like to start the trip by emotionally clearing the air. She apologizes to NeNe and takes responsibility for no other acts. Everyone can see exactly what Eva is doing except for Eva. Marlo says that she’s scared of Eva now because she already talked about her like Marlo was a cat.
Porsha and NeNe decide that now is the best time to reveal Porsha’s pregnancy. This is a very cute moment and everyone is really happy for her.
The next morning, Kandi is trying to figure out how to use the iron when Eva busts in and demands some alcohol. Eva’s grandfather had a heart attack and her family is waiting to remove him from his breathing tube. This is also very sad and I hope Eva is okay. Her demanding Kandi’s alcohol at about 10 a.m. is … something.
It’s time for them to head out for the day. Their guide is waiting for them and it’s 10:45. Time is ticking. A few of the ladies trickle in and they’re on the bus by 10:51. Kandi brings Eva a drink from the bar. It’s 11:21 and they’re missing Shamari, NeNe, and Marlo. Marlo is the only one with any sort of excuse because she doesn’t even have panties! They finally head out to Senso-ji Temple. It was built in 628 and the guide calls it very Instagramable. She also tells them to be quiet. Oh, that’s not happening.
They all walk around the temple and get their fortunes from a very complicated stick and paper situation. Eva’s fortune says the patient will be well. They all go into the temple and pray to Jesus. Jesus ain’t checking for that temple! You’re in someone else’s house, ladies.
They head to lunch and Kandi isn’t going to eat the sushi if it’s raw. Oh, she’s one of those folks. Got it.
Porsha and Tanya start talking about engagement rings and Tanya brings up that NeNe made a snide comment at the temple (which is literally the last place you should make a snide comment). NeNe said that maybe Tanya would be marrying someone else per her temple fortune and Tanya doesn’t know why she has to marry her fiancé even though they’ve been together for three years. I can’t believe I have to unpack Tanya here. Tanya thinks that NeNe joking around in a temple is going to somehow curse her relationship. In all honesty, NeNe probably didn’t think twice about it and probably thinks her friend’s relationship is a little weird. Tanya could just roll her eyes and keep it moving but no … TO BE CONTINUED.