Ben Franklin once said, “An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.” What doesn’t get reported is that he added, “So if you got to drop $400,000 to some shady dude to Photoshop your daughter’s face onto a water polo player, then you got to drop $400,000 to some shady dude to Photoshop your daughter’s face onto a water polo player.”
That’s exactly what Lori Loughlin, Felicity Huffman, and an assortment of coastal rich did in the college admission scandal dubbed Operation Varsity Blues by the FBI — aptly named after a movie about how teenagers are so oblivious about how sex works that they spray whipped cream on their vaginas.
On March 19, to celebrate (?) one week of living in a post–admission scandal reality, we at Vulture brought four of New York’s scammiest comedians — George Civeris, Mary Houlihan, Rachel Pegram, and Sam Taggart — to Brooklyn’s Union Hall, to read excerpts from the affidavit in front of an audience of legal scholars and fans of messy rich people, in an event we named Vulture Presents Operation Varsity Blues Live! With Vulture’s Rachel Handler serving as narrator, it was a night of laughs, tears, and Schadenfreude. Here’s a little of what it looked like.