Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention? I’ve just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story. I need all of you to stop what you’re doing and listen. A beloved San Diego anchorman has returned. It’s time to welcome back Ron Burgundy!
The San Diego Padres hosted their first (of hopefully many) “Anchorman” mascot race at Petco Park on Friday, and the whole Channel 4 news team was present: five-time Emmy Award winner Ron Burgundy, sportscaster Champ Kind, weatherman Brick Tamland, and field reporter Brian Fantana. “These men are known to be mild-mannered citizens,” said the announcer just before the race began, “but when they get the call, they’re ready to race.” Although the race was fairly tied to start, Burgundy quickly burst into the lead (“Don’t act like you’re not impressed.”) and, by the beard of Zeus, won.
Burgundy could not be reached to comment on winning the inaugural race. But, presumably, he is somewhere in a glass case of emotion among his many leather-bound books in his apartment that smells of rich mahogany — because he’s kind of a big deal.