unsolved mysteries

Luke Evans Knows You’re Wondering If That’s His Actual Dick in Ma

The calm before the dick storm. Photo: Anna Kooris/Universal Pictures

In the new horror film Ma, Octavia Spencer plays a small-town veterinary assistant who gets revenge on her high-school bullies by plying their willing teenage children with beer, hallucinatory drugs, and wall-to-wall rugs. (It makes sense only if you do not think about it any harder after reading that sentence.) Eventually (spoiler alert), things take a turn for the sinister, with Ma locking the drunk teens in her basement and torturing them in oddly specific ways, including sewing their mouths shut, dousing them in white paint, and planting hot irons directly onto their six-pack abs. (Again … please do not ask questions.)

But Ma saves her most harrowing — and utterly random — form of torture for her high-school crush, Ben (Luke Evans), who embarrassed her in front of the whole school decades earlier. Ma lures Ben into her home, then strips him naked and ties him to her four-poster bed. It’s here we get our first glimpse of a full-frontal Luke Evans — nice! Ben looks on, helpless and terrified, as Ma, knife in hand, reaches for his penis. The camera zooms in on Luke Evans’s dick as Ma grabs it with gusto, her whole fist wrapped around it like a nice cold beer at the end of a long, hard day (of high school). Ma lunges forward like she’s going to cut it clean off, and Ben braces for impact — but she lets it go at the last minute. Instead, she decides to hook him up to an IV full of dog blood. Because … he’s a dog?

Despite the fact that his primary scenes include a barely escaped dick amputation and a fatal injection of animal blood, Luke Evans seems thrilled about his work in Ma. So thrilled, in fact, that he does not want us to forget about that whole full-frontal thing. Evans logged onto Twitter this morning to giddily let everyone know that he knows they’re wondering if the dick in the film is his actual dick.

Evans never finished the thought nor answered the question at hand, instead content to merely pose it, letting it hang in the wind for hours, like a limp dick that did not get amputated. Based on our existing knowledge of the situation — reading Evans’s tweet and seeing the movie once, two months ago — it’s hard to say for sure whether the dick in question is Evans’s or a body double’s, so we reached out to a rep from the film to see if Evans wanted to shed any further light on the subject. (“Can’t imagine he would, but checking!”) In the meantime, let us ponder another recent Luke Evans tweet.

Luke Evans Knows You’re Wondering If That’s His Dick in Ma