For months, the question of what the cats in Cats would look like has been shrouded in mystery. Back in April, we learned that they would be created with the help of CGI, and would be the size of actual cats. In May, Taylor Swift stoked our curiosity by explaining that performers were given “a tail that moves naturally, and ears and whiskers,” through a “new way that hasn’t been done before.” In this week’s digital featurette, director Tom Hooper spoke of cutting-edge “digital fur technology.” But still the cats were kept under wraps. (Though we did get James Corden offering the reverent summation, “These are people, but they’re cats.”) Now, Thursday evening has brought the unspeakable spectacle of the Cats movie trailer, and like a shy feline who’s spied an attractive-looking sunbeam, these cats are finally out in the open. Take a look!
As anyone who’s viewed the Cats trailer must, I’m sure you have plenty of questions. However, today I’m going to concentrate on the most important one.
Why do the cats …
… have human breasts?
In the issue of the breasts, we get our first indication that Hooper’s attempt to digitally blend human performance with catlike verisimilitude may be destined to go awry. A filmmaker who prized the feline form above all else might have digitally smoothed performers’ busts, so that they more firmly resembled a real cat dancing upon its hind legs. A filmmaker with more outré sensibilities might have given his people-cats eight breasts rather than two, which would have been a different sort of realism. And a filmmaker who chose to retain the costumed looks of the original musical might have avoided the issue entirely, as the humanlike aspects of the performers would shine through more clearly, thus making their physical anatomy something of a meow-t point.
Still, there are five months to go before Cats hits theaters, which I suppose is a long enough time to get used to what currently seems an unsettling sight. And we should probably be thankful that Hooper seems to have disregarded another aspect of feline anatomy — the movie appears to include zero shots of the cats’ buttholes.