We’ve all been there. You have a bodily function that causes you extreme shame for reasons so deep-seated, you won’t be able to even address them until you graduate school. And by then, everyone will have seen you rushing to the bathroom with a tampon! What’s a girl to do? Introducing Tampax Secrets. In this cut-for-time Saturday Night Live sketch, Phoebe Waller-Bridge learns about a great new line of feminine hygiene products that looks like anything and everything you’d rather people see you take out of your backpack. A dead mouse? Dog poop? A signed copy of Mein Kampf? No one will know that they are all tampons. As for when Subway will finally start disguising their tuna sandwiches as tampons in return, well, our petition remains unanswered and the wait continues.