The Real Housewives of Atlanta
Is this the season of Real Housewives of Atlanta where it all falls apart? Is this the season where we all figure out that the tenuous bonds keeping these women together are as fragile as a Forever 21 bralette? Is this the season where these women realize that they can finally walk away from NeNe Leakes and her position as Atlanta linchpin? Is this the season where the women realize that men are trash and we all would be better off living in all-female communes? Because as far as I can see, trying to keep up appearances and going all in on a life that they imagined is the source of a lot of their problems.
For Porsha and Kenya, they went all in on two absolute trash barges and now they must pick up the pieces. For Cynthia and NeNe, they’re both too afraid to let the other one win, so they’ve been reduced to passive aggression on a Pride float. Is there anything passive-aggressive about a Pride float? For Eva and Kandi … Okay, I guess things are going pretty well for Eva and Kandi. So maybe my theory doesn’t completely hold up. Let’s get to it.
We’re picking up right where the last episode left off, with NeNe frantically rushing toward Kelly Dodd to avoid making eye contact with Cynthia. Cynthia tells NeNe that she looks good. Every word is spoken with all the faux enthusiasm of when you run into that one person that you always see in the laundry room of your building and you’ve lived there for five full years but you never learned their name. Are they married? Do they have a child? You don’t know, but you do know they got a haircut because you can see that with your eyes.
The montage of everyone dancing and hanging out at Pride is actually really fun, and Bravo had to blur out the faces of all the local drag queens. Could the rest of the episode just be blurry drag queens in the street so we don’t have to see these women crying? No? FINE. Before the parade is over, NeNe says, “Never in my mind did I think the gay community would love me so much.” There is not enough time to even begin to unpack that …
Back in Atlanta, Porsha is heading to her therapist’s office and her therapist asks her if Dennis earned her trust or if she just gave it to him. I had to lie down that was so profound. That one line from this therapist has caused me to reevaluate not only every relationship I have ever been in, but every relationship my friends and family have been in. Porsha is ready to throw the whole man out and her therapist wants to make sure that she’s not making decisions when she’s upset. THERAPIST. When do you anticipate that she won’t be upset about this? When is that day? How many years in the future is the day when she can calmly make a decision about her cheating ex? Because I’ve got dummies that I dated more than eight years ago and I’m still holding onto some insults that I never got to use. Her therapist suggests that one day she might want to have a cordial relationship with Dennis for their daughter, and as suggested by recent Instagram posts, they might now be more than just cordial.
Kandi’s story line this episode is pretty wholesome. She’s offering support to Kenya, she’s taking Ace to meet her surrogate. Kandi is adorable as hell. First, Kenya heads over to her house to just casually ask if Kandi’s husband is also a completely inflexible turnip. It sounds like Kenya’s day is her doing something and then Marc doing the exact opposite to undo Kenya’s work. She puts the baby in her crib. Marc takes the baby out. She puts the baby in a swaddle. Marc takes the baby out and just puts her loose on the floor, I guess? He also thinks that the baby should sit in her dirty diaper, so he tells Kenya not to change Brooklyn. This man has OTHER CHILDREN, right?
Back in New York, Cynthia is out to dinner with Eva. Listen, I know we all love when they show the Housewives actually ordering dinner, but this episode, they took it up a notch. They totaled up how much Eva’s outrageous dinner order costs. Her dinner costs $178 and Cynthia’s order cost $44. They did not have to do that to either of them but damn it, Bravo gave us what we wanted. Cynthia then tells Eva that Marlo is going to be showing up and Eva asks for 15 to-go boxes because she refuses to even be at the same table as Marlo. She says, “Marlo is a very nasty person with thick lace on her wig.” The Devil works hard but Eva’s insults work harder.
Marlo shows up to dinner and immediately says that Eva is living a fraud life and she didn’t have a job when any of them met her. So what is Marlo doing there? She’s there to ask if there’s any way for Cynthia to be the bigger person and just apologize. Cynthia says she’s always the one who is expected to be the bigger person and she’s not doing it this time.
I think everyone is basically on Cynthia’s side (according to a Watch What Happens Live poll, anyway), but at this point, we’re getting so far from the actual slights, it’s unclear exactly what the problem is and who did what first. It seems like NeNe was generally nasty and Cynthia was generally not having it anymore.
So Marlo takes this information to a very formal lunch with NeNe at the Central Park Boathouse. They’re both wearing various shades of gold. NeNe is wearing 14 scarves as an outfit and Marlo is wearing a sequined jumpsuit during the daytime. They both order some version of a seafood cocktail and get down to business. NeNe says that Cynthia was one of her bridesmaids and she’s considering getting back the Bible she gave to Cynthia. NeNe’s side of the argument seems to be, “You put up with my bullshit before and I was moderately nice to you before so continue to do that.” NeNe thinks because Cynthia called her toxic in the press, there’s nothing Cynthia or anyone could say to make NeNe apologize. That bitch is not apologizing and the mere suggestion of it makes NeNe get up, walk out, and hop in a bike taxi and ride off into the sunset. It’s completely unreasonable and totally NeNe.
While Kandi is at a very cute visit to the OB/GYN with Ace and Todd, Kandi gets a text from Kenya to come over because she’s in a bad place. Kandi rushes over to Kenya’s with gifts for li’l Brooklyn and Kenya is happily puttering around the house. After a little small talk, Kenya talks herself into admitting that she’s not having sex with Marc, their relationship is rocky, he’s basically verbally abusive, and on top of everything else, Kenya went on their anniversary trip by herself. Kenya wants to know if everyone’s first year of marriage is this hard. I mean. I just.
Poor Kenya. Poor, poor Kenya.
She’s waited her whole life to have a baby and settle down, and now that the man she’s settled down with has zero interest in being a supportive partner, she has absolutely no idea what to do. She’s turning to Kandi and Kandi’s advice feels entry-level. “Talk to him? Bring the nanny on trips?” Kenya also asks Kandi if she’s a monster in her relationship, and Kandi admits that she sometimes yells or hits Todd with a low blow, but she mostly apologizes for hurting his feelings. Of course, Kandi is trying the best she can but when your friend is in a truly terrible relationship, there’s never advice good enough. Sometimes you have to help someone come to the realization that they can throw their verbally abusive husband to the curb. Sometimes you can help someone realize that walking away from a bad situation isn’t failure. Kenya says she will protect her daughter because Kenya never felt protected as a child. Once you’re saying things like that and running to your bedroom so the cameras don’t see you cry, it’s time to stop giving a fuck and get it together.