Should You Watch Star Wars or Cats This Christmas? A Very Scientific Quiz
ByJackson McHenry,
a Vulture critic covering theater, film, and TV
Here at Vulture, we’re here to help guide you through the toughest questions that you may face as a consumer of culture. What are the movies people are going to talk about this awards season? What should I stream? How is Baby Yoda? But this December, we all collectively face one of the hardest decisions you can imagine at the multiplex. Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, the culmination of an epic space saga, comes out on December 20. Cats, an epic saga about cats, also comes out on December 20. Obviously, both are unmissable cultural events, but since time around the winter holidays can be awfully limited, considering your obligations to friends, family, and watching Vanessa Hudgens Christmas movies, which movie should you prioritize? The answer may not be as obvious as you think.
See Cats.
The people behind the digital fur technology in Cats have clearly never seen a cat, so you’re in the clear here. Still see Cats.
In Cats, one cat goes up, up, up to the Heaviside Layer, a part of the ionosphere. Space-adjacent! See Cats.
Okay, Cats is mostly set in London. See Cats!
Cats is about the cats gathering to decide which cat to send off to be reborn. Very messianic!
Well, there is a whole messianic subplot in Cats, but just ignore it and focus on the dancing.
Cats will unify your dinner-table conversation because no one, young or old, will be able to fully explain Cats.
Cats may be the best possible movie to experience solo, so as to preserve the sensation that what you’re watching is all a private hallucination.
She’s in Cats!
Cats clearly has some sort of vendetta against her, considering her surreal coating of fur. It's on your side.
Cats is a musical!
Cats is a musical for people who kinda hate musicals! That’s why it ran for so long!
Then why bother worrying about whether the next Star Wars will go back on the interesting things that movie did! Go watch Cats!
Well, you’re entitled to your wrong opinion about fish nuns and interesting narrative decisions, but clearly the best way to protest is to go see Cats.
No, you don’t! Hopefully The Rise of the Skywalker will avoid the implication that people are important just because of their family legacy. If J.J. Abrams decides to tie things up neatly, then it will probably not be very satisfying. Do you know what is satisfying? Knowing that Cats will be a fascinating mess. See Cats!
I agree! Hopefully The Rise of the Skywalker will avoid the implication that people are important just because of their family legacy. If J.J. Abrams decides to tie things up neatly, then it will probably not be very satisfying. Do you know what is satisfying? Knowing that Cats will be a fascinating mess. See Cats!
Good. I do, too. I was just checking. Go watch The Last Jedi again, and then see Cats.
What is wrong with you? They’re old, cute, and mad! Go watch The Last Jedi again, and then see Cats.
I can't possibly imagine why that would be the case.
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