Snooki Announces Her ‘Retirement’ From Jersey Shore. Snay It Ain’t Sno!

Happy retirement, Snooki! Photo: Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images for MTV

To borrow from the great poet W.H. Auden:

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,

Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,

Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;

Because Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi has announced her retirement from Jersey Shore

Nothing now can ever come to any good because veteran reality-TV fixture Snooki announced that she will be leaving Jersey Shore Family Vacation after season three to spend more time with her family. On Friday’s episode of her podcast, It’s Happening With Snooki & Joey, Snooki shared her “breaking news” with the fans:

It’s definitely a hard decision … I’m gonna throw up. Okay, you guys, I love you so much and don’t hate me for my decision, but I have to do what’s best for me at the moment, and I am retiring from Jersey Shore … I hate being away from the kids, I don’t like partying three days in a row, it’s just not my life anymore.”

This announcement corresponds with the tenth anniversary of Jersey Shore’s premiere in 2009, which made Snooki a breakout star and steered reality TV in a newer, more spray-tanned direction. She ushered this decade in, and we’re sad to say good-bye as she bows out before the end of it. At least she’ll be able to spend more time with her children and hopefully revamping her mom-themed music career:

Snooki Announces Her ‘Retirement’ From Jersey Shore