Part of the sick, fabulous appeal of Eyes Wide Shut is that it bravely posits the question: What do the unimaginably wealthy do together behind closed doors? Probably kinky, demonic stuff, right? and answers that question with a resounding, Oh God, yes. This same thinking explains the horrific appeal of this video posted to Instagram of Julianne Hough writhing/screaming/orgasming in front of a crowd of billionaires at the Davos World Economic Forum while an energy demon (?) is exorcized (??) out of her butt (???). Watch the video below, posted to Instagram by Bitch Bible host Jackie Schimmel, then break into a high-school chemistry lab to use the eye-wash station, and then meet back here in five.
Much to think about. This is apparently happening at the Davos “Equality Lounge,” which is oxymoronic and funny in the way that, say, a cartoon shrimp bench-pressing a cartoon whale would be oxymoronic and funny. “Somatic energy healer” John Amaral gently touches and hovers his fingers above different pressure points on Hough’s neck as she lies facedown on a massage table. He explains to the crowd, “There’s always a huge dissipation of energy and a feeling of relief, release.” Hough starts to vibrate and writhe on the table while Amaral runs his fingers down the length of her spine like Rebel Wilson unzipping her body in Cats. Once he reaches Hough’s butt she screams in ecstasy, arches her back, and starts to twitch with her butt in the air, because presumably the somatic energy demons are exiting her butt to go haunt someone else’s. Butt, that is.
The comments section on this post are a particular treat. Stassi Schroeder writes, “What in the actual …” Comedian Heather McMahan says she’s “calling a priest.” Derek Hough rushes to his sister’s defense, writing: “This stuff looks whacky and crazy but diving into it with the understanding of pure energy is a pretty wild experience. Maybe ahead of its time but worth an open mind.” I shudder at the thought of Derek enjoying this video.
If you’re a fun little freak who watched this and thought, More of this. Yeah, this is a normal human interaction for me to hear and watch, you can catch Amaral working his magic on Hough, the Goop staff, and Gwyneth Paltrow herself on episode five of The Goop Lab, which is out on Netflix today. And may your butt remain, as ever, unhaunted.