As an inspiration to everyone who wants to quit their own family, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry have been given official approval from Queen Elizabeth to carve out a “progressive new role” within the British monarchy. In a statement posted on social media, the queen confirmed that the couple and their young son, Archie, will indeed no longer be serving as working members of the royal family in favor of a low-key working life away from the Windsors. An additional statement from Buckingham Palace confirmed that they will no longer use their HRH titles, “formally represent” the queen at royal functions, or receive public funds for performing royal duties. The couple also intends to repay £2.4 million in taxpayer money for the renovations they made to their home in England.
“Following many months of conversations and more recent discussions, I am pleased that together we have found a constructive and supportive way forward for my grandson and his family,” Queen Elizabeth wrote in her statement. “Harry, Meghan, and Archie will always be much loved members of my family. I recognize the challenges they have experienced as a result of tense scrutiny over the the last two years and support their wish for a more independent life. I want to thank them for all their dedicated work across this country, the Commonwealth and beyond, and am particularly proud of how Meghan has so quickly become one of the family. It is my whole family’s hope that today’s agreement allows them to start building a happy and peaceful new life.” And, unlike Brexit, the ripe-for-the-tabloids Megxit actually has a confirmed date: It will take effect sometime in “spring 2020.” Just in time for pilot season, or, you know, other philanthropic stuff.