Justin Bieber’s most polarizing romance is with his mustache, which he’s flirted with on and off for years. Some mustaches are good. Bieber’s has evolved over time, but the latest one seemed to say, “Approach at your own risk. I’m in a long-term relationship with my facial hair and have lost all sense of human decency.” But now Bieber, who shaved his alarming lip brow over the weekend, is saying “hello” to the universe. The 25-year-old pop star and husband who likes to sex a lot revealed in an Instagram post on Monday that he and his mustache of several arduous weeks have broken up. Yet in the very same post, he teased its return, writing, “MUSTASHIO went on holiday, but he will be back in due time.”
Bieber’s wife, Hailey Baldwin, expressed her pleasure at this development, leaving the comment “Yeeeee [heart emoji]” on the Instagram post of his freshly shorn face. Hailey did not further elaborate on why she was glad of the mustache’s departure — maybe it’s not to her taste, maybe she was sick of having to refer to the mustache as a separate entity named Ricardo. I don’t know. A source told People magazine a week ago that Baldwin “can’t stand” Bieber’s mustache, which was “making him feel like a rebel” — so maybe some clues there.
My theory is that, for Bieber, the mustache was a conduit for some strong emotion or dream; for Baldwin, a material and psychic distraction. Having removed the sign of false hope that once girded the husband’s lips, the couple can return to all that marital bliss they’ve been having. At least until the mustache begins to emerge again in one to three days.