As Vulture’s least-active social media participant, I find “engaging” with “content” on any type of “platform” to be a tedious chore as opposed to an amusing work-adjacent activity, and was therefore even more confused by the astronomical rise of TikTok over the past year. That is, until the prince of the Pacific Northwest, Kyle MacLachlan, joined TikTok today: Behold the perfect video. Toast the perfect video. Buy a damn fine cup of coffee for this perfect video! My honorary dad recites, with the help of a stationary bike (Peloton?) and makeshift car scenery (Michaels?), the opening monologue from Twin Peaks. You know the one. It starts with “hey Diane” and ends on “that cherry pie is worth a stop.” He even has the tape recorder. And as a bonus, we actually know what year it is.