We are writing this post to break news that should be exceedingly obvious: despite what it looks like, under no circumstances is Céline Dion in New York City in order to steal its most precious landmarks. Does she look like an impossibly glamorous lady-thief who trots the globe searching for monuments to rob, not for the wealth or notoriety but for the sheer challenge of it all, evading Interpol at every turn? Of course she does. But Céline Dion did not arrive in New York City with the goal of stealing your beloved Statue of Liberty by cover of night. That would be preposterous.
You might say, “but Mister Vulture, clearly the mischievous tilt of Céline’s hat obscuring one of those winking eyes is a taunting nod to the sleuths hot on her trail, suggesting that however hard they try to piece together the clues, she’ll always be one step ahead.” And we would say yes, it would appear to be that way, wouldn’t it, but Céline Dion is actually in New York City to perform on her Courage tour tonight at Barclays Center and not to smuggle penguins out of the Central Park Zoo on a privately chartered steamer ship. Yes, this cape and boots combo signals “international criminal mastermind,” but they are just fashion choices and not convenient places to hide loose rubies from the Museum of Natural History.
Does this look like the strut of someone who has the whole world in the palm of her perfectly manicured hand because she knows she got away with stealing the Empire State Building by heli-blimp, and that she’ll get away with it, too?