Comedian Colin Quinn has written a very patriotic book that is slated to hit stores not long before the November election. Titled Overstated: A Coast-to-Coast Roast of the Fifty States, the book will be a state-by-state roast of the United States, in which Quinn “calls us out on how we actually live and points out the hypocrisies inherent in what we claim to believe and what we actually do. Within a framework of big-picture thinking about systems of government and dead-on-funny observations about the quirks and vibes of the citizens in every American region, Overstated skewers us all, red, blue and purple.”
Here are some sample state roasts from the book:
What is it about Texas? I can give you my opinion, but Texas doesn’t care. They stopped caring what the “north” said a long time ago. They are the capital of the south. But they’re also the capital of the southwest somehow. I’ve talked to people from New Mexico and I go “What do you think about climate change?” and they go “I don’t know. Talk to Texas.” Same with Mississippi: you ask them a question and they tell you, “Talk to Texas.” Texas is the daddy of the south. And daddies are a big thing down there. In Texas they bond with their sons. They take them hunting and give them initials for a name. I understand Texas because I’m from New York. Texas has the same attitude as New York. They think they’re doing you a favor by being part of America. It’s just how we are.
The reason that Maine’s at the top of the east coast of the country is because they are the way America was at the beginning. They are like the Midwest of the east. They are quiet. They understand life isn’t about words. I used to think they were idiots up there because you can’t hold a conversation with them. But now I see it’s not that. It’s because they know conversation is bullshit.
These bastards are really something. On the one hand, they are where it all started on Plymouth Rock, so you have to give them credit. And they were really into the political process. Town halls and councils and sit downs and committees. Even Tocqueville said it. He said the average Massachusetts person’s love of discourse brought to mind ancient Athens. I’m sure he wouldn’t feel that way if he was in the bleachers in Fenway listening to a couple of cockknockers from Everett cursing and throwing their soft serve helmets at a group of kids because they’re wearing Tufts sweatshirts.
Overstated is not the first time Quinn has roasted the country state by state. Just last year, he debuted a new one-man Off Broadway show, Red State Blue State, in New York, which later aired as CNN’s first-ever comedy special and is now available on Netflix. Near the end of the special, Quinn takes nearly ten minutes to “review” all 50 states and deliver a joke for each one in front of a lit-up map of the U.S. (If you haven’t watched, his joke for New York is this: “New York: Once immigrants waving documents to get into Ellis Island. Now it’s millennials waving fake IDs to get into SantaCon.”) Overstated will be published by St. Martin’s Press on September 22.