my father will hear about this

The Bad Parents Behind Elite’s Bad Teens, Ranked

These parents give Rufus and Lily a run for their money. Photo: Netflix

Spoilers for Elite season three follow.

Behind every bad teenager is an even worse parent. Netflix’s Elite has a lot of both. The Spanish drama follows teens from different backgrounds attending a fancy private school alongside the megarich and megapowerful. By the third season, which just dropped on Netflix, the teens have covered up a murder, solved a murder, had illicit relationships, manipulated each other, double-crossed each other, and somehow manage to hide most of that from their parents. But just because those parents aren’t aware doesn’t mean they aren’t guilty of something.

The parents of Elite have caused a lot of damage of their own, mostly to their own children’s well-being. So we ranked them by all their nefarious deeds and tried to determine how much time Samu, Carla, Lu, Polo, Ander, Omar, Nadia, Guzmán, Valerio, Rebeka, and Cayetana will need to spend in therapy as a result. It’s a good thing their parents made them beautiful.

13. Victoria Pando, Cayetana’s mother

Photo: Netflix

Cayetana’s mother couldn’t control her if she tried. Although it’s not clear what their relationship is like post-Caye pretending to be rich, scamming her friends’ parents, and covering up a murder, her mom did try to stop her from causing trouble. Kind of.

How much therapy will Cayetana need? Because of her mother? None. Because of her own actions? That’s for the courts to decide one day.

12. Pilar Domínguez, Nano and Samuel’s mother

Photo: Netflix

Guilty of poor decision-making. A single mom working overtime, she doesn’t have a ton working in her favor, especially after her oldest gets accused of murder. But Samu cannot be the youngest and the most responsible person in the house when it’s clear that his own decision-making is questionable. I mean, Carla over Rebeka? He can’t even navigate ’ship drama.

How much therapy will Samu need? Although it’s not technically his mother’s fault, it will take Samu some time with a qualified counselor to get over the fact that his brother got his girlfriend pregnant.

11. Antonio Muñoz, Ander’s father and tennis coach

Photo: Netflix

No offense, but Ander’s Elio Perlman thighs were never going to propel him to Serena Williams status, so why is it that serious? Ander spends so long trying to claw his way out of tennis (and out of the closet), then we pretty much never see or hear from his dad again.

How much therapy will Ander need? Ander and the viewers have already forgotten about this man. Sorry to this man.

10. Laura Osuna, Marina and Guzmán’s mom

Photo: Netflix

After Marina’s death, Guzmán and Marina’s mother became a mess. Case in point: On graduation day, she blames Lucrecia for Guzmán’s expulsion, just to find something to be unreasonable about. It’s stunning. She’s going to be a wonderful mother-in-law.

How much therapy will Guzmán need? Guzmán just needs to read one Reddit r/relationships post to realize the importance of setting boundaries with his mother.

9. Imán Shana, Nadia and Omar’s mother

Photo: Netflix

Nadia and Omar both need support that they don’t get from their mom, no matter how loving she can be. Take, as an example, the family’s dinner with Malick in episode four of season three: She wants Omar to be there, but she doesn’t want Omar to be open about his sexuality.

How much therapy will Nadia need? Whole sessions will be dedicated to Nadia’s mom trying to marry her off.

How much therapy will Omar need? Whole sessions will be dedicated to Omar’s mom trying to marry him off.

8. Azucena de Muñoz, the school principal and Ander’s mother

Photo: Netflix

Being an educator and an administrator in a Catch-22 between bureaucracy and interpersonal social good … actually still doesn’t excuse Ander’s mom’s behavior. In the first season alone, she forces Nadia to take her hijab off at school and outs Omar to his parents. Then she lets Polo back in after he was arrested for murder, and tries to kick Rebeka out because her mom was sent to prison. Those are just a few examples of her working against the best interests of the students. Not to mention her son had cancer and she just had no idea.

How much therapy will Ander need? Twice a week, son.

7. Felipe Montesinos, Lucrecia and Valerio’s father

Photo: Netflix

If Valerio was in charge of this list, Montesinos would be much higher. He was already mostly checked out of Valerio’s life, but the revelation that half-siblings Valerio and Lucrecia were having sex led to him fully cutting off both kids.

How much therapy will Lucrecia need? So much, but she will burn through therapists. They’ll need to follow up sessions with their own sessions.

How much therapy will Valerio need? So much more than he’ll actually receive. He’ll always have the dance floor.

6. Beatriz Caleruega, “la Marquesa” and Carla’s mother

Photo: Netflix

So much wine, so few cares in the world. La Marquesa, which is a title given to Spanish aristocrats, is this high up on the list in part because I don’t know what she did to make Carla kiss Christian and Polo right in front of her in season one, but she deserved it. 100 percent. In season three, la Marquesa later forces Carla to continue dating new guy Yeray to get him to fund their winery, causing her daughter to turn to drugs. Because how much you’re worth is more important than your daughter’s self-worth. Write that down.

How much therapy will Carla need? Given that Carla lied about Marina’s death to save her mother, only to have her mother betray her … immeasurable.

5. Andrea and the other one, Polo’s mothers

Photo: Netflix

Polo’s mothers are successful, beautiful, indistinguishable, and utterly clueless. It’d be hard to wrap your mind around your child being a murderer, but it’s not that hard to realize he shouldn’t be in school with all the kids who believe he’s a murderer. Negligence at an all-time high. Plus, for a majority of the show, Polo is one loud noise away from melting into a puddle. How have they not used all that publishing money to get this child a therapist?

How much therapy will Polo need? Polo will make a psychiatrist somewhere very, very rich.

4. Yusef Shana, Nadia and Omar’s father

Photo: Netflix

You’ll notice he’s just below a drug lord on this list. That’s how awful he’s been toward both Omar and Nadia throughout the show. While pulling Nadia out of school season one was deeply fraught, obviously what lands him at No. 4 is practically disowning Omar for being gay.

How much therapy will Nadia need? As much as she needs until she thinks she can do it herself.

How much therapy will Omar need? Omar, his therapist, and his chosen family will be very happy together for a long time.

3. Sandra Ávalos, Rebeka’s mother

Photo: Netflix

Some people are principals, some people own grocery stores, and other people run drug rings. Somebody has to do it. Her circumstances moved from negligence to malicious intent when she gave Valerio more coke, bag by bag, until he was on his knees willing to trade sex. He’s 19! He still goes to high school. Shame, shame, shame. While she promptly gets locked up (thanks to Samu going all undercover for the cops), she has a half-baked plan for her daughter to survive that requires committing the same crimes she went down for.

How much therapy will Rebeka need? Even though she’s one of the most well-adjusted characters on the show, Rebeka will still need several hundred therapy sessions to grapple with the family business.

2. Ventura Nunier, Guzmán and Marina’s father

Photo: Netflix

A whole school fell to the ground and this man simply could not bring himself to give a damn. As the contractor responsible for their public school collapsing, Ventura goes to lengths to cover it up and manipulate the affected students, Samu, Nadia, and Christian, whom he bribes with scholarships. Then he was locked up for alleged embezzlement of public funds, bribery, and criminal negligence and still managed to further damage his kids from behind bars. After Marina’s death in season one, he fades to the background and lets a new villain emerge.

How much therapy will Guzmán need? A lot, and then some more for his inevitable marital issues.

1. Teodoro Rosón, Carla’s father

Photo: Netflix

This man has gone out of his way to do some villainy. Is it some sort of Spanish aristocratic right of passage to destroy a lot of people’s lives? Let’s count the ways. In season two, he hired a hit out on Christian when he was worried that Christian would expose Marina’s murderer (and therefore all of the winery’s shady business dealings). Then, he paid off a now-paralyzed Christian, mirroring his old friend Ventura. Later, in season three, he blackmails Carla into lying under oath and pimps her out for investments.

How much therapy will Carla need? A lifetime.

The Bad Parents Behind Elite’s Bad Teens, Ranked