The good thing about the characters on Schitt’s Creek beginning to get all misty-eyed as this party draws to a close is that I don’t feel so bad when I, too, need to wipe away a few tears. The bad thing is that seeing these characters I love start to break down — this week even gets Ronnie, RONNIE, you guys — turns those few tears into a full-on weep. After “Start Spreading the News,” we’ve got just one Schitt’s Creek episode left for all time, so we’re all just blubbering messes at this point. We are vulnerable as a people at the moment, so let’s just own it. The world is wild and the members of the Rose family are going their separate ways and we all have to deal with it. I might be sad about it, but I am not mad about it, you know? Because as this episode expertly illustrates, although the ending of Schitt’s Creek may not see the Rose quartet remaining together, it is setting them all up for the happy endings they deserve. Plus we’ve seen how much they’ve grown as a unit while living in conjoined motel rooms, so we can trust that although they will be scattered about, they’ll always remain in each other’s lives. I feel like now is a good time for me to assure you guys that, yes, I do know these people are fictional characters. I told you I was vulnerable; lay off me, okay?
When last we left the Roses, they were celebrating the big investment in Rosebud Motel Group and their impending departure to start a new life in New York City. Well, everyone was celebrating except Patrick, who was not thrilled about the move being sprung on him. Otherwise, it’s a celebration. And then plans change — a lot — once Moira gets a package in the mail.
It’s a note from Tippy saying simply “You win” along with, yes, the diamond tennis bracelet she demanded along with a huge-ass salary and co-star Clifton’s exit from the show in order for her to sign on. Then the phone rings. It’s Tippy: When it came down to it, they wanted Moira over Clifton, so she’s getting everything she asked for. Yes, dear reader, Moira Rose is returning to Sunrise Bay. There is a catch, however: The reboot is filming in Los Angeles, and she starts in two weeks. Johnny decides that rather than live across the U.S., he’ll move the Rosebud Motel Group headquarters from New York to California for the time being. They’re making it work!
Although this is wonderful news for Moira and her reinvigorated career, it does mean that she’s attending her last Jazzagals rehearsal. You guys, this scene really did me in. The Jazzagals are obviously happy for Moira, but unbelievably sad to see her go. Moira is surely the prickliest Rose (you’re welcome), but even she has made true friends in this small town. “I’ve never felt more buttressed than I have in your company, dear gals,” she tells them. Guys, she even lets them do a group hug. All bets are off now that the emotions are flowing! It is a sight to see.
David is another Rose who gets some big news. When he goes to see Stevie to chat about everyone moving to New York, she has to stop him: Stevie and Roland have decided to stay in Schitt’s Creek while Johnny works at the HQ. Stevie will be traveling around (her dream, realized!) setting up the motels, but Schitt’s Creek will be her home base. She rocks David’s world again when she lets slip that Patrick may have made an offer on a house in town, one that the two of them had driven past several times and David had always commented on how cute it was. Patrick hasn’t mentioned this to David at all.
David goes to see his soon-to-be husband (actually, he’s already calling him his husband and it is a delight) to find out what’s going on. Apparently, this house, which reminds David of Kate Winslet’s cottage in The Holiday, wasn’t for sale, but when Patrick realized how much David liked it, he went over there, knocked on the door, and told the owners that if they ever thought about selling, call him first. And so they did. But now Patrick sees how gung ho David is to get back to New York and he says he’ll grow to love it. “I don’t want you moving somewhere that you’re not excited about,” David tells him.
As David tries to process, he ends up taking a drive with Stevie to go look at the house. They’re sitting on the hood of her car, just staring at it. And David starts crying. He just can’t believe Patrick would’ve driven out here and knocked on their door because David said he liked this place. “Who does that?” he asks Stevie. “Good people,” she replies. When Stevie starts to question why David really wants to move back to New York, when it’s “done nothing but hurt [David’s] feelings,” David really breaks. He opens up about proving to his old friends that he’s “not a joke” and that he wants to show them he’s “won.”
“Look at this place,” Stevie tells him, pointing to the house in which David and Patrick could start their lives together. “You won.” David is bawling on Stevie’s shoulder at this point and the high (so high!) emotion doesn’t break until David makes a crack about Stevie’s deodorant. Honestly, has David ever been so vulnerable than in this moment? Schitt’s Creek is truly the model all other shows should follow for how to do well-earned character development; I mean, come on.
That night, the four Roses gather for dinner (“One pizza? What is this, Les Miz?” cries David) in what was supposed to be a celebration of the move to New York, but now it’s an evening of big announcements. Johnny and Moira tell their kids about their move to California. Then David tells his family that he’s decided to stay in Schitt’s Creek: “I’m not finished with this place,” he tells them. “Have you given this sentencing adequate deliberation,” Moira asks her son, completely floored that someone would choose to stay. But David has. His business is here, his husband is here, and he’s “not ready to mess that up just yet.”
All of this, of course, means that Alexis is the only one left going to New York. Her dad asks if this means she wants to go to L.A. with them, but she turns him down. She’ll go on her own. “I’ve done it before, and I can do it again,” she tells her family. And you know what? For the first time, everyone, including the audience, really believes her.
Throughout this episode, we saw Alexis saying good-bye to the best friend she’s made in Schitt’s Creek, Twyla, who, as is turns out, won the lottery years ago and ended up splitting $92 million with someone but has been keeping it a secret because she doesn’t want people to treat her differently. I mean, this, especially with my above mention of well-earned character development, is truly wild, but since it’s Twyla, the weirdest human you’ll ever meet in a whole town of weirdos, we’ll go with it. (But, still, she didn’t want to invest in Rosebud Motel Group?)
Twyla simply works at the café because it makes her smile. This sentiment sticks with Alexis. She, too, imparts some wisdom on her friend: That sometimes spending a little money on yourself could make you smile. So, Twyla buys the café. And when she offers Alexis some (a lot of) money to repay her for some dresses she gave her, Alexis turns it down. She needs to make it on her own. Going to New York and building her own life is what will make her smile. So, our youngest Rose is headed out to New York by herself. When Moira hugs (yes, hugs!!) her daughter and says, “You take that ember of independence and you keep it burning because you, my darling, are destined to be on fire,” oh boy, is there a dry eye in the house?
And then Johnny goes and says how sad he is they’ll be separated but how wonderful it is that he’ll be able to go to sleep knowing his whole family is okay AND THEN David brings Patrick to the house and tells him he put in an offer because he doesn’t want to be anywhere Patrick doesn’t want to be and now we are all just sniffling messes lying down on our couches sobbing while wondering why good things have to end. I mean, I’m just guessing. Anyway, next week should be fun, huh?
The Wig Wall
• Fun fact: At one time, Moira Rose was the video spokesperson for Rose Video: “That photo of me sunbathing upon a giant VHS tape was a staple of Times Square for a whole season.”
• I love that Stevie’s more “formal” serious businesswoman look is just her hair in a high pony and her flannel tucked it. Okay, wait, I started out writing that sarcastically, but actually, I do love it. Stevie’s arc this season has ended with less fanfare than I imagined, but it has been a joy.
• “Not to flog a metaphor, but wolf pups are born blind and deaf; in your care, I have learned to see and hear the beauty in the bucolic.”
• Just really glad they put Moira in the most insane sparkly beanie for this entire episode to stop us all from truly having emotional breakdowns.
• “AM I TIED TO THE THIRD?!”