On this unsuspecting Wednesday afternoon, Beyoncé and Megan Thee Stallion blessed us with a “Savage” remix with so much flavor … so much taste … a chef’s kiss frankly isn’t enough. Beyoncé Thee Rapper once again talked her talk with corny lyrics, instantly memorable T-shirt-worthy one-liners, and a friendly reminder that she, like Meg, is “that bitch, been that bitch, still that bitch, will forever be that bitch.” And she didn’t even keep that lyric in the remix. In four glorious verses, Beyoncé shouts-out Ms. Tina Knowles, contemplates starting an OnlyFans, and preempts the ashy folks on Twitter who will try to pit her and Meg against each other. Her verses (like her discography and her hair, word to Solange) are untouchable. But which one’s Beyoncé at her baddest, her most savage? At which point in the song does she harness her full power and snap the world’s collective neck? Grease up your twerking knees and let’s get into it.
“But I got this fatty ready just for you / Girl, I hope you don’t catch me messin’ ‘round with you / Talkin’ to myself in the mirror like ‘Bitch, you my boo’ / I’m the shit, ooh (Ayy)”
In the third verse, the Queen Bey endorses loving yourself during this quarantine. Be your own boo 2020.
Necks? Hmm, are they supposed to bend that way? If you think about it, having your idol walk all over you via lyricism is kind of like a hug.
“Queen B, want no smoke with me (Okay) / Then turn this motherfucker up eight hundred degree / Team eat, chef’s kiss, she’s a treat / Oh, she so bougie, bougie, bon appetit”
This is an aside, but who here is going to make a Claire from the Bon Appetit test kitchen fancam to this opener? Beyoncé doesn’t give us a second to breathe when she starts the “Savage” remix. No “real hot girl shit” — she’s turning “this motherfucker up eight hundred degree.” This will be that glorious moment when every girl in the club scurries to the dance floor. Just want it back.
Necks? Frankly, the fact that Beyoncé’s own titanium, Houston-bred knees haven’t taken us out by now is a blessing. She put her back into this stomp.
“I heard they askin’ for the Queen to buy some cameras in here / I’m a bad bitch, she’s a savage, no comparison here / I’ma flip my hair and look back while I twerk in the mirror / All this money in the room, think some scammers in here / I’m comin’ straight up out that third eye, wipped it like a sturdy / Woodgrain, we swervin’, keepin’ his mind on all of these curves / Coupe fly like a bird, cold on them like “Brr”
I always keep my word, no I don’t do cross-word / Stallion with the lightin’, like them hot girls, them hips / I hop that shit, the way I hopped out and slid / I pop my shit, now watch me pop, pop again I must’ve float, now watch me sweep up these M’s”
The final verse is all Beyoncé. Soak it in. Study it like religious text. Lord knows when we’ll get another one. Beyoncé preaches core hot-girl tenets like not comparing queens, being your own best twerk partner, and scamming.
Necks? Beyoncé, please, don’t do it to ’em …
“Hips tik tok when I dance / On that Demon Time, she might start an OnlyFans (OnlyFans) / Big B and that B stands for bands / If you wanna see some real ass, baby, here’s your chance / As I say, left cheek, right cheek, drop it low and let it swang / Texas up in this thang, put you up from this gang / I been poppin’ my frame, gang, gang, gang, gang / If you don’t jump to put jeans on, baby, you don’t feel my pain (Oh, look) / Please don’t get me hyped (I’m hyped), write my name in ice (Ice) / Can’t argue with these lazy bitches, I just raised my price / I’m a boss, I’m a leader, I pull up in my two-seater / And my momma was a savage, think I got this shit from Tina”
Beyoncé. Giselle. Knowles. Carter. Pushing past the TikTok reference, in the second verse, Beyoncé mentions dancing on Demon Time, a new after-dark network of strip clubs on Instagram Live and OnlyFans, a subscription-based platform made famous by its sex workers and R-rated content creators. If the clubs can’t go up to the “Savage” remix, we can all rest assured booties will be shaken somewhere. Gangster Beyoncé jumps out in the middle of the verse and, just in case she hasn’t scared the fake fans yet, she adds, “If you don’t jump to put jeans on, baby, you don’t feel my pain.” Finally, she ends with a nod to the savage that made all of this possible, Ms. Tina Knowles. She thinks she got it from her momma?
Necks? Snapped. Snapped. Carry on.