Everyone’s favorite reality-TV show, Keeping Up With the Cuomos, went live across the news this afternoon, partially informing the public about the coronavirus pandemic and partially functioning as a reality-TV show for New York governor Andrew and CNN host Chris Cuomo, brothers. The governor’s April 2 update checked in with Chris, the baby, who was diagnosed with COVID-19 on March 31. “It’s tough,” he reaches for his Cuomo Prime Time baseball cap. “And it’s not doing great with my hair, I have to be honest. It’s tough to get my hair the way I want it to look. You look like you’ve been cutting your own hair, which some people are good at some people are not.” Says the man on day two. The whole briefing could be interspersed with Kourtney Kardashian’s iconic “Kim, there’s people that are dying.” Except it’s way too real.
Chris Cuomo delved further into fantasy recounting his COVID-19 fever-induced “hallucination.” “It was like out of a movie, I’ll tell you, I had hallucinations,” he informed the public. “I was seeing Pop. You came to me in a dream. You had on a very interesting ballet outfit and you were dancing in the dream. And you were waving a wand and saying ‘I wish I could wave my wand and make this thing go away.’ And then you spun around and you danced away.” Is he not just referring to these daily press briefings? As time passes, eating up the press’s opportunity to ask the governor questions, Chris reminds Andrew that he sucks at fishing. And he’s … cleanly? See if it makes sense to you. Kim and Kourtney Kardashian literally put hands on one another in last week’s episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, so if the Cuomo brothers want even a slice of this quarantine viewership, they’re gonna have to step it up.