Well, it finally happened. The whole world is stuck at home, which means the adults are getting on TikTok. People too old to have any business on the platform (Kristin Chenoweth, me) are arriving to a thriving ecosystem of weird niche content. And as you lose hours to scrolling, it just gets weirder and more niche. My For You page is now almost entirely three kinds of videos: (1) teens stanning Karl Marx, (2) videos about being shunted off into “gay stoner witch” TikTok (not even gay stoner witch TikToks, just videos announcing that their For You page is full of gay stoner witch content), and (3) people doing their makeup while lip-syncing to John Mulaney bits. There are dozens upon dozens of these.
At first I thought, Surely this is another algorithm-gone-mad thing. People must be doing their makeup to other comedians, too, and I’m only seeing the Mulaney ones because of stuff I’ve liked before. But I’ve looked around. And in my scrolling, I’ve seen one for Pete Davidson and one incredibly elaborate look for Chris D’Elia. That’s it. The vast majority is Mulaney, Mulaney, Mulaney. The world of Mulaney makeup TikToks is a big one, so with that, here are some of the best ones.
Most Used Bits
The most famous Mulaney bits aren’t necessarily the most makeup-ified. TikTok favors subjects that are already in the Gen-Z wheelhouse: weed, shitting on Second Amendment freaks, and the world being fundamentally broken.
Horse Loose in a Hospital
The Second and Third Amendments
Weed Is Legal
Best Lip Syncs
Some people care more about the makeup side of this trend, to the point of not even lip-syncing. They just apply their makeup while Mulaney plays in the background. Those folks are cowards, and I shan’t include them in this roundup. Others give a lot of emotion and energy while beating their face. They are heroes.
Incredible face being served here:
One of the most prolific Mulaney makeup artists:
Some people just want to flex on us simpletons who still use the same NARS Orgasm blush they got in middle school. And they’re heroes too.
Most Apt Mulaney Bit for Makeup Artists
Perhaps the most apt Mulaney makeup artist bit comes from his first stand-up album, before he was even wearing suits. “Drag Queens and Goth People” is all about how hard it is to be presentational in your appearance, and my how the turntables. Mulaney’s a suit guy now, and teens are doing their goth makeup to his bit about how hard it is to do goth makeup.
I’ve learned so much from these TikToks: Do your eyes first! If your face is flat, put triangles under your eyes in concealer! It’s very hard to yell “Fuck da police” while doing eyeliner. This trend will die, as all memes do. People will be bleaching their anuses to Pat Regan or trimming their bangs while singing along to old Bo Burnham songs. But for now, I will protect myself from quarantine madness with pink eye shadow and Delta Airlines jokes. Because life is a fucking nightmare.