A Transformer. A divorce attorney from the Twin Cities. A meat puppet. Numerous boar-on-the-floor iterations. Tom Wambsgans will be the eternal punching bag on Succession, and sensing an opportunity to compare a certain nepotistic government official to a man who once put his own dick in his eye, Seth Meyers went for it: Hey, it’s not our fault that Jared Kushner is criminally unqualified to lead a White House pandemic-response team.
“The point man in charge of the ventilator disaster is Trump’s own personal Tom Wambsgans, Jared Kushner, everybody’s favorite Botoxed 9-year-old,” Meyers explained. “The real-life Jack Skellington, the fellow who’s always lurking in the background of every White House photo like a stalker who suddenly appears in the mirror when you close your medicine cabinet. The only guy in the world who creeps out Stephen Miller.” Frankly, we think that’s a bit disrespectful to Halloween Town’s proud Pumpkin King, but we digress. “The snively weasel thinks everything belongs to him,” Meyer adds, “because he was born into a rich family just like his father-in-law.” Again, we won’t take this disrespect on behalf of the weasel community.