The quarantine is literally going to his head. Following a very eventful March, in which he tested positive for the coronavirus and released a tell-all memoir about his Bachelor days, Colton Underwood decided to embrace his inner Kevin Malone and take the top of his scalp out for a spin. (What’s next? Going to make some famous chili? Don’t forget to undercook the onions.) He depicted such a follicle change on his social-media pages, where his girlfriend, Cassie Randolph, did the buzzing honors. “This is not gonna go well for me,” Underwood joked in the clip (har har) of his cut. “Oh boy, here we go.” We’re willing to bet the couple took a few minutes to take these grotesque selfies before finishing his sides, but if not, please remember: You can not patch your hair up with glue or stuff from around the office. Don’t.