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Josh Thomas Laments His ‘Poor Wasted Penis’

Remember August, when “Hot Girl Summer” came out and everyone was like, “Crap, it’s August and I didn’t realize we were doing Hot Girl Summer, I would’ve done more crunches! Next year, I’ll prepare adequately and truly do a Hot Girl Summer.” But now, here we are. Alone, hair a mess, hopelessly planking in our living rooms because we’ve convinced ourselves the key to being 22 again is core strength. And boy does Josh Thomas get it. The Everything’s Gonna Be Okay star joined our latest episode of Two Friends: A Nice Time Hanging Out With People Who Know Each Other Well with his frequent collaborator and friend Thomas Ward. The two comedians have known each other for two decades’ worth of Hot Girl Summers and went on to write and star in the Australian comedy series Please Like Me. Now these two friends find themselves a world apart, with Thomas in L.A., being repeatedly bitten by his adorable dog, and Ward in Auckland, New Zealand, with his partner and young child.

Each was struggling in his own way, as we all are. But when they came to the question “What’s the first thing you’re going to do when this is all over?” Thomas’s answer was plain and simple: “Fuck. Someone.” It’s a truth so plain it might as well serve as the single quarantiner’s rallying cry. As he confided in Ward over his “poor wasted heart and poor wasted penis,” he mused over things we never thought we’d miss: getting sweaty on the dance floor, seeing strangers’ mouths, you know, all the things we took for granted back before we started using the word “droplets” with alarming regularity.

And because you’re probably not getting lucky anytime too soon, we’ve got more episodes coming up. So follow Vulture on Instagram to catch You’re the Worst’s Kether Donohue and Aya Cash on June 1 and What We Do in the Shadows’s Natasia Demetriou and Mark Proksch on June 3.

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Josh Thomas Laments His ‘Poor Wasted Penis’