Wedding bells are days away from ringing in Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt: Kimmy vs. the Reverend, Netflix’s interactive special that reunites us with our favorite “mole woman” and her three New Yawk pals a year after the end of the original series. The episode — just like Black Mirror’s much more depressing Bandersnatch — immerses you in a choose-your-own-adventure narrative where Kimmy (Ellie Kemper) discovers that the Reverend (Jon Hamm), who held her hostage in a bunker for most of her life, kidnapped another group of women and forced them underground just before he went to jail. Choices both big (a chance at sweet, murderous revenge) and small (a Lynyrd Skynyrd song test) inform how the story ends, and if you choose the right combo, Kimmy will be back to marry her British prince in no time.
As the interactive quality of the episode will likely inspire you to rethink your choices as much as possible — selecting the perfect wedding dress for Kimmy is hard — we thought it’d be helpful to outline all of the main endings we could identify during our rewatches. But whatever you choose to do, don’t worry: There’s plenty of Hamm to go around. Damn it!
The “Makeout” Ending
When Kimmy gives her fiancé a sloppy smooch attack instead of planning her wedding or reading her book, you’re gonna get yelled at by Titus, okay? We have a plot to instigate! “What is wrong with you?” he chides. “You know you have to read that dumb book, but you keep making these pasty children tongue down. If you’re trying to prove you’re straight, it’s not working.”
The “Talk to Donna Maria” Ending
If Kimmy calls Donna Maria, her fellow former mole woman turned sauce entrepreneur, instead of Gretchen or Cyndee, her friend advises her that PTSD is what’s driving her to investigate the book — and she should let it go. “Don’t let the Reverend do this to you again, okay?” she implores. “Let this go, and let yourself be happy.” A month later, she and Frederick are happily married. This ending also confirms that Kimmy once dated Josh Groban, who sounds a lot different than his singing voice.
The “Take Jacqueline With You” Ending
Well, this is depressing. With Titus snubbed to join Kimmy in pursuit of the Reverend’s secrets, Jacqueline suggests the duo takes a private jet flown by her teenage son, who only pretended to have piloting skills to get into USC. (Which sucks, because all he wanted was to be an influencer. Har har.) The jet crashes and they all die on impact and then Titus dies during a tragic treadmill accident. He just can’t run that fast.
The “Socialize With the Reverend” Ending
Listen, we’d do anything to get some quality time with Hamm. But when you make Kimmy chat with him, as opposed to getting right down to business, the Reverend takes some Michael Jackson moves out for a spin and proceeds to crack his skull open on the visitors’ booth. He bleeds to death, forcing Kimmy to give up her journey. “That doesn’t seem like the right ending, does it?” Titus taunts us. “Who are you, me at Chipotle? Because you’ve made some bad choices that affect everyone.”
The “Wait for the Uber” Ending
Kimmy and Titus starve to death and become skeletons after waiting 4,000 minutes. But there are actually two endings for this choice! After you watch the Uber driver curse off their skeletons and give them one star, click again. You’ll then witness a very concerning robot uprising.
The “Free Bird” Ending
Titus does not actually know the virtuosic Lynyrd Skynyrd standard when he and Kimmy visit a rowdy West Virginia bar, instead crooning “a song we sang whenever we wanted to off-load a problem bird” that he learned as a pet-shop employee (“It only walks / It won’t fly!”). The police are called, and it’s assumed that the duo is shot by the disgruntled bar patrons.
The “Reverend Gets Away” Endings
This all depends on if Kimmy reads the book at the beginning of the episode, instead of wedding planning or making out with Frederick. If Kimmy doesn’t read the book, then she’s unable to deduce certain clues about where the Reverend is hiding the girls. It doesn’t matter if you leave the manager’s baby alone at the West Virginia convenience store or babysit — either way, it’s too late to catch the Reverend, and he “takes the girls to Florida, where everything is legal” in his van. This ending also happens if you make Titus “read” (in Drag Race terms) the baby, rather than reading the book to the baby, at the convenience store to pass the time.
The “Kill the Reverend” Endings
When Kimmy pursues the Reverend in the West Virginia woods (Titus, meanwhile, gets distracted by food hallucinations or a film set, depending on your choice), he trips and badly falls on a branch, rendering him immobile. Kimmy gets four options on how to handle this, and three of them end in the Reverend’s death: exploding him, stomping on him, or shooting him. The aftermath of each is different, too. If you explode the Reverend with a bazooka, the “original Kimmy also explodes,” but Frederick is able to clone her from her hair. His royal family disowns him, and the couple settles in Harrisburg. If you stomp the Reverend, Kimmy is driven to madness after he uses his dying breath to admit the girls are somewhere in the woods. She becomes a hill person, and Frederick, now the king of England, marries Jacqueline’s daughter, Xanthippe. If you shoot the Reverend, Kimmy barely mourns his passing and sets off to find the girls. She never returns from the woods, and Frederick marries Lillian. Also, if you choose all three Reverend deaths, there’s a glorious bonus ending of him in hell, hanging out with Mr. Frumpus and jamming to Sugar Ray. He thinks he’s in Heaven, duh.
The “Happy Wedding” Ending
You win! If you “spare” the Reverend from death, Kimmy is able to deduce that a fake tree in close proximity to their showdown is a marker for where the bunker is. The girls are freed, the Reverend gets kicked to death in prison, and Kimmy and Frederick get married. And his old chum Kim Jong-un is able to show up! Kimmy thinks she’s pregnant.
The “Not-As-Happy Wedding” Ending
You still technically win! Just like above, Kimmy is able to free the girls after finding the bunker, and her wedding goes off without a hitch. However, a choice you make during the side plot about Jacqueline stalling for Titus during his movie shoot — where she inadvertently brings the Me Too and Time’s Up movements to an end — leaves things on a more dour note, as all of the female attendees hate her. “What the hell? Raggedy Ann gets a happy ending, but everyone hates her young, hot Gen-Z friend?” Jacqueline explains. “Uh-nuh. Start over.”
The Bonus “Skip the Theme Song” Ending
Surprise, damn it! You thought you could save a few seconds to get back into the interactive fun? “Nah-ah,” Walter Bankston, the do-rag’d gent in the opening credits, tells us. “Now you get more theme song.” This is technically an Easter egg, as opposed to an actual ending, but the two-minute remix is a total delight that might as well try to chart on the Billboard 200. “You know,” Walter adds, “that’s a good-ass theme song.”