What is it about celebrities with coronavirus antibodies and their obsession with typewriters? Madonna has released her latest “Quarantine Diary” in an Instagram video, and it appears as though she’s quarantining inside a 1930s film noir, which is very befitting of Madame X. There’s haunted-hotel-lobby jazz playing on a phonograph, she’s click-clacking away, she’s got her best horn-rimmed glasses on, and she’s in black and white. At one point the paper in her typewriter catches fire in what is surely an homage to Britney Spears burning her home gym to the ground. Madonna expresses some startlingly universal social anxieties about being quarantined with others: “I want so badly to be released from the bondage of giving a fuck.”
Here’s the good part, though: Madonna says she “took a test the other day” and “found out I have the antibodies, so tomorrow, I’m just going to go for a long drive in a car, and I’m gonna roll down the window, and I’m gonna breathe in the COVID-19 air.”
We’re pretty sure that’s not how coronavirus works, but regardless, we’re happy that Madonna is spending some time with her inner muse and potentially curing us all with the power of her breath. Tom Hanks: Will you please send Madonna a typewriter that doesn’t burn holes through her paper?