Despite rumors to the contrary, beloved fantasy author Neil Gaiman and Dresden Dolls lead singer Amanda Palmer are not getting divorced. “Thank you to everyone who’s been kind and nice and helpful, while Amanda and my problems got rather more public than either of us is comfortable with,” the author wrote on his website Thursday, with “more public” presumably referring to Palmer’s Patreon post earlier this month revealing Gaiman had left their New Zealand home for the United Kingdom mid-quarantine, leaving her with their 4-year-old son, Ash. According to Gaiman’s new post, however, he says they are not splitting up, just self-isolating away from each other, for the duration, on different continents.
As for why they decided to geographically, if not romantically, separate, Gaiman (probably wisely) demurs from any salient details. “Amanda and I had found ourselves in a rough place immediately before I left (my fault, I’m afraid, I’d hurt her feelings very badly, and … actually beyond that it’s none of anyone else’s business),” he writes. Said Palmer in her Patreon post, “So you all know: This did not happen because of COVID or lockdown, though the timing is comically bad; other things came to light after we got here to New Zealand.” Gaiman also posted an extremely amiable joint letter from the pair, which you can read below.
This has been a hard few weeks for us. We are not getting divorced. It’s not that exciting.
We love each other very deeply. As sometimes happens during the course of a long marriage, we have hurt each other. We have lived our lives individually, and then as a couple, very publicly (and right now, too publicly).
We have been trying to figure out how best to love each other for twelve years. It is fair to say that this relationship has been the hardest, but also the most rewarding, collaboration of our lives.
Living in lockdown is hard. Working on a marriage, as everyone married knows, is also hard. And we are very aware there are thousands, probably millions of people who have been dealing with their own versions of problems like ours over the last few months – and many face situations that are far worse.
We will sort out our marriage in private, which is where things like this are best sorted. We’re working together to try and do this better. We care about each other so much, and we have a small boy we love and delight in, and those are reasons enough to work together to fix things.
So that’s what’s going on. It’s not as much fun or as interesting as the newsfeed headlines made it seem.
For anyone who felt the urge to choose sides on this, trust us, there really aren’t any sides to be taken: we are on our side, and we’re on Ash’s side, and we hope you are too.
None of us know what the future is going to look and feel like, right now, and that’s scary. We need to be able to have each other’s backs. So please, if you can, have our backs, and we will do our best to have yours.
And to the vast majority of people out there who have been kind and sane and supportive to both of us, and to each other, thank you, we love you and appreciate it, and you, so very much.
Peace, and definitely love,
Neil and Amanda