But what will the karaté instructor think of this? Rob Delaney, star of Catastrophe and Twitter dot com, wrote an amusing essay for the Guardian that detailed his decision to get a vasectomy and undergo the procedure in London, where he and his family currently live. In the piece, Delaney explained that his wife, Leah, had birthed four children and had been pregnant for an estimated “166 weeks,” so he figured that “the least I could do was let a doctor slice into my bag and sterilize me.” Leah supported the decision and “heartily agreed that a doctor should scalpel around in my balls so that she didn’t become pregnant again — by me, anyway.” Delaney praised his “balls guy,” a “nice Italian doctor named Bartolo,” for giving his sack a “confident grope” and shaving his balls in the operating room before the surgery. If Delaney wants to nitpick, though, he could’ve used more Novocain in his balls to avoid riding a “pain wave, baby.”
Delaney’s piece also doubled as praise for Britain’s National Health Service, which he described as a “nice and easy preliminary process” that gave him the confidence to get the procedure. He previously praised the NHS’s efforts in 2018, upon the tragic death of his young son, Henry, from cancer. In the new post, Delaney also encouraged his fellow gents to consider a vasectomy if they, too, don’t want to bring more “chunky little nuggets” into the world, even if their scrotums become horribly wrinkled as a result. But at least the cotton-wool-filled recovery jockstraps sound nice. “I’m happy to report that, barring a couple of weeks of waning discomfort, there were absolutely no side-effects from the surgery,” Delaney concluded. “No lingering pain, no reduced libido, no reduction in dreams where I watch chubby women struggle in and out of wetsuits through a hole in a barn wall.” Well, phew.