election 2020

Celebrities Also Don’t Know How to React to the Election

Er, maybe try meditation. Photo: Cardi B/Instagram

It may technically be a new day, but for those following along as election results still trickle in on November 4, the nightmare continues. Despite Donald Trump attempting to hijack the win before mail-in votes across the commonwealth are counted, former vice-president Joe Biden has a slight lead, with 238 electoral votes as of Wednesday morning. Whether you’re hung-over, nauseated, still stress-eating, or still drunk, these celebrities relate to the pit of emptiness you’re trying to fill, even if their millions prevent them from relating to your urgency. They, too, are frustrated with the electoral-map monitors, incensed by Trump’s extremely early prediction, and numbed to the passage of time. If you’re staying off the bird app (but cannot resist the Vulture nest), here are some of the best celebrity reactions to the worst night on television.

Chrissy Teigen started stress cooking at the entirely appropriate hour of 11 p.m.

Which is right around the time Cardi B started stress-smoking.

Thom Yorke awoke us with a sermon.

Questlove refused to entertain Donald Trump’s speech, instead switching to Schitt’s Creek.

M.I.A. said … whatever it is that she’s saying here.


But in this case, it’s completely acceptable to hate the players and the game.

Not noticing the burn of tequila? It’s an Election Night miracle!

This is barely a joke, it’s just a fair and accurate simile.

Please include a line in your prayers for Busy Philipps’s stomach lining. We cannot lose her to cinnamon gummy bears.

Or live — oh, wait …

Just one of the many questions the night’s results yielded.

Leslie Jones rightfully took her anger out on the monitors. “All I see on the goddamn map is red, so we’re burning the fuck up or something,” she vlogged. “Ain’t nothing good on this goddamn weather map.”

Measure your time in monitor slipups, like the rest of us.

Is Mark Ruffalo celebrating Oregon’s psychedelics win a little early? Where’d he get his hope?

Simply put.

Look who woke up with no idea how counting works. Trump tweeted about his votes “magically” disappearing as “surprise” ballots were counted in a post so inaccurate Twitter has disabled the ability to share it.

Kirstie Alley offered a supernatural theory. Supernatural for its otherworldly amounts of nonsense. (To be Intelligencer for a moment: Millions of valid mail-in ballots have barely begun to be counted, especially in states like Pennsylvania and Wisconsin, owing to GOP legislatures not allowing mail-in ballots to be processed ahead of Election Day. As Bernie Sanders noted in his election prediction, Democrats are more likely to vote by mail, historically, whereas Republicans tend to vote in-person, even in a pandemic.)

Biden offered receipts and solicited prayers.

What an educational response from someone whose White House experience in Scandal makes her more qualified for the presidency than Donald Trump.

Sing it, Ben Platt!

Dwyane Wade summed up the mood of the morning.

Reiterated by Joe Biden stans John Legend and …

Laydee Gah-Gah herself.

We are once again invested in the paint-by-number page we call an electoral map.

You heard her, shoo!

This post has been updated throughout.

Celebrities Also Don’t Know How to React to the Election