One zillion years from now, some future archaeologist will read about how a totemic, flammable wax representation of Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina exploded in a woman’s home, and they will think that Gwyn was some sort of angry fertility goddess. And they would be right. On Monday, January 18, a U.K. woman told the Sun that a “This Smells Like My Vagina” Goop candle that she won in an online quiz (about what?) damn near burned her house down after a “50cm flame leapt from the candle and out of the glass jar,” as if she lit a match near a particularly dry bramble. The literal bomb-pussy victim told the Sun, “The candle exploded and emitted huge flames, with bits flying everywhere. I’ve never seen anything like it. The whole thing was ablaze and it was too hot to touch. There was an inferno in the room.” She eventually got Paltrow’s vagina candle under control by chucking it out her front door. Goop, for its part, told the New York Post that it has “alerted the manufacturer to the woman’s issue and have also reached out to her to send her some goop products to help pass the days in quarantine.” Hopefully these products come with a WAP fire extinguisher.
Fire-starter. Photo: Emma McIntyre/Getty Images for ELLE