In a surprise to zero people, Fran Lebowitz isn’t reading our Saturday Night Live recaps, and she hasn’t seen Bowen Yang’s hilarious impression of her on last week’s “Weekend Update.” Talking to Andy Cohen on his SiriusXM radio program, Lebowitz said she had shut her phone off on Saturday evening, and “I went into the kitchen, where there’s an answering machine, a device which you may have to describe to your listeners. There were messages on it, and I thought something horrible happened, someone died, you know?” But no, it was the opposite of someone dying. It was people living for Yang’s Lebowitz desk bit. She told Cohen that she won’t catch up with the sketch because she doesn’t have internet access, and, besides, she doesn’t like seeing herself or hearing her voice on television, “so I don’t have any curiosity to see this.” But it’s not footage of herself — it’s footage of America’s sweetheart, Bowen Yang! Oh, well. No arguing with Fran.