Current Weekend Update MVP Heidi Gardner returned this Saturday with a brand-new character: mutual-aid worker Jessie Raunch, program director of Community Horizons and someone who bears practically no resemblance to terrifying dream demon Freddy Krueger of Nightmare on Elm Street fame. In fact, she bears such a minimal resemblance to Freddy Krueger, it’s crazy to even bring it up. “I mean, every once in a while, I’ll have a parent say, ‘Oh, hell no,’ and slam the door, but, you know, that’s just pride talking,” Jessie insists.
Of course, that’s not good enough for Update host Michael Che, who just can’t get off this whole Freddy Krueger thing, despite the fact that, other than the burned sweater, fedora, and razor-fingered glove, Jessie is in no way like Freddy Krueger. “I couldn’t be more different than Freddy Krueger. I work in the community. I’m a part of kids’ dreams!,” she declares. “They all know Ms. Jessie’s song: ’One, two, bread’s coming for you/Three, four, better open your door/Five, six, I’ve got Chex Mix.’” Damn, it’s almost like no one at Saturday Night Live has ever had to sever a hog swiftly and effectively before.