In these times of great social isolation and divide, it is nice to know that we can all be brought together by a reality-TV franchise where the audience yells “TAKE IT OFF!” at celebrities dressed like mascots for a particularly well-funded high school. On February 13, The Masked Singer U.K. aired its series-two finale, capping off a season that included such British icons as Spice Girl Mel B (a seahorse) and former Great British Bake Off host Sue Perkins (a dragon). Coming in third was the Robin, an adorable costume which turned out to be hiding Aston Merrygold of the English boy band JLS. Second place went to Ne-Yo, dressed as a giant badger. This is notable because Ne-Yo did a ridiculous fake British accent throughout the series to try to throw people off, and also because it means Ne-Yo’s a Hufflepuff.
But the top dog, the wiener, if you will, was a very talented sausage. Encased in that sausage was not mystery meat; it was Joss Stone! Stone deserved the win after a phenomenal performance of “I Wanna Dance With Somebody,” that was certainly the best-ever televised performance of a Whitney Houston song by someone dressed like a hot dog.
Rita Ora crowning Joss Stone dressed as a giant sausage and chips wrapped in yesterday’s Daily Mail is one of the most British things to ever happen in all of TV, mostly because it is the second time in two days that a major British reality-TV plot has revolved around someone dressed as a cone of newspaper-wrapped chips. Congratulations, Joss-car Meyer Winner.