“This film is presented in a 4:3 format to preserve the integrity of Zack Snyder’s creative vision.” These are the words viewers are presented with before they stream Zack Snyder’s Justice League on HBO Max. The disclaimer establishes that this is a director screening his film as intended, in line with what he wanted the cinematic experience to be. You could watch it that way … or you can watch it in bits and pieces on Leslie Jones’s Twitter account with her hilarious running commentary backing it up. On Sunday, March 21, Leslie Jones live-blogged her reaction to watching the four-hour Snyder Cut with the hashtag #longassmovie. Like her Equalizer and RuPaul’s Drag Race binges before it, Jones posted minute-long recordings of her TV screen as she interjects with what we were all thinking watching Snyder’s reworking of the superhero film, like “what’s up with these boxes?” and why are “they singing these creepy fish songs?”
Jones is quick to point out a plot hole, like why is Superman’s family farm in foreclosure when he knows billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne?
She expresses her love for Wonder Woman, and correctly points out that she has “Megan Thee Stallion knees.”
“Snap crackle pop the fuck outta me, these bitches is fighting though!” should have been the movie’s tagline.
[ancient lamentation music playing]
“All of the superheroes and the villains got family issues. So they just all need to go to group therapy.”
The verdict with three hours left to go is she likes it.
Would Superman’s thrusts kill Amy Adams? Leslie Jones has seen Twilight, so she knows the right questions to ask.
“Why are people fascinated with doors that do that? That’s just so inconvenient for parking.” -Leslie Jones on the Batmobile.
She wants to know where Aquaman gets his underwater jeans.
Let! Wonder! Woman! Wear! Pants!
Leslie Jones can run Justice League but Batman couldn’t do SNL.
“I ain’t the shiniest spoon in the fucking drawer, but even I know this is a dumb fucking idea.” -Leslie Jones on the Justice League exhuming Superman’s grave.
“Oh my goodness gracious of life. That’s Superman.”
“This is just a Three Stooges type situation. He’s fucking Superman!” So true.
“He’s about to go-go gadget your ass for real.”
“Is it me or Steppenwolf got some ass? That’s serious squat work right there, Steppenwolf.”
Leslie Jones even invented a new Justice League theme song. It’s called “Teamwork” and it’s lovely.
“I don’t like Jared Leto as the Joker. I don’t give a fuck.”