You see Saturday Night Live’s newest cast members as you want to see them, in the simplest terms and the most convenient definitions, but what they found out during Maya Rudolph’s monologue tonight is that each one of them is a brain, and an athlete, and a basket case, and Calista Vagina. While we were hoping for a musical monologue tonight, Maya Rudolph warmed our hearts instead, inviting this year’s freshman class of SNL performers Andrew Dismukes, Punkie Johnson, and Lauren Holt to the stage to teach them about her Saturday Night Live experience. Turns out, it was pretty much exactly like John Hughes’s 1985 high-school dramedy The Breakfast Club.
“Let me tell you about the cast back then. See, I was the shy one. I was so nervous; I couldn’t look anyone in the eye,” Rudolph claims. “Oh, but Rachel Dratch. She was the princess. She was so perfect, with her red hair and all her freckles, and she just did Sixteen Candles, so she had a lot of heat.” And the bad boy in fingerless leather gloves? None other than Jimmy Fallon.
So, good luck to you, Chirpy, Little Dee Dee, and Calista Vagina. Hopefully Lorne has taught you an important lesson about high school by assigning you a season of Saturday Night Live for your Saturday detention.