A-Rod has decided to approach the end of his relationship with J.Lo as if he is a character in a mid-2000s TV drama. Which is to say, he’s taken this moment to blare some Coldplay. Before J-Rod went really, truly, officially, no-take-backsies public with their breakup this morning, A-Rod had already posted an Instagram Story Wednesday night of him lovingly panning over photos from the couple’s relationship, tagging J.Lo in a blue heart at the bottom of the video and ending the clip by settling in on a photo of a heart they’d carved in the sand on the beach with “Jennifer + Alex” written inside — all while “Fix You” plays in the background. Now, does this most resemble an episode of Scrubs? The O.C.? The film You, Me & Dupree? That infamous sequence in The Newsroom? Doesn’t this make this seem like J.Lo has died, instead of simply ending their engagement? It certainly does at least make it look like he’s the one who didn’t want it to end, though really, who can say with this couple’s whole soap-operatic thing.
Once we have started to begin processing the music that accompanies A-Rod’s post, we can try to ponder the content of the video itself. Is this J.Lo’s mantlepiece or his? Are they going to have to divide the memorabilia on display? And finally, in something entirely unrelated to the breakup, what’s going on with the framed paired of photos of J.Lo and her Hustlers co-star Constance Wu across from Judy Garland and Barbra Streisand circa their “Happy Days”/”Get Happy” duet? Is this some sort of inside joke from the set? Which of them considers themselves the Judy or Babs of the relationship? Once we get to the bottom of the J-Rod breakup, there are just so many more questions to ask.