In 2019, Harry Styles accidentally flooded the Sara Lee Instagram account with comments like “need a real king who can handle” and “wreck me daddy” after playing a lonely, threesome-obsessed social-media manager at the bakery company in a Saturday Night Live sketch. After watching last night’s cut-for-time spiritual sequel, starring host Daniel Kaluuya as an equally depressed, similarly horny copywriter, we realize Instagram was a valuable outlet for those feelings, or at least a more appropriate one than the bios of this year’s Beanie Babies. Turns out, Kaluuya’s Ty Inc. employee, Dustin, has a lot of sadness and rage he needs to channel, and he can’t stop channeling in onto the tags attached to the company’s tiny bean-filled penguins and seals.
“This feels a little off-Beanie,” Aidy Bryant’s executive muses at Dustin’s sexual lamentations. “I didn’t like the death part. Let us remember, Beanies don’t know that they die.” Adds Bowen Yang’s exec, “Yes, correct. They live a happy live, and then it stops. There is no pain.” At least that’s good to know? Either way, sorry ahead of time for all the “send nude or unfollow” comments, Beanie Babies’ Instagram. They were just too good for us to pass up.