not a kesha song

Just How Bad Are the Lyrics to Mick Jagger and Dave Grohl’s ‘Eazy Sleazy’?

Around this time last year, the Rolling Stones released the eerily prescient song “Living in a Ghost Town,” written and recorded before the pandemic but with some pretty on-the-nose observations that could very well apply to quarantine life. Now, after over a year of the pandemic, Mick Jagger is back with a song that very clearly was written during this time: “Eazy Sleazy,” abounding with references to COVID, virtual life, and some pretty worrisome conspiracies. Jagger teamed up with Dave Grohl for the song, making it yet another stop on his never-ending promotional cycle as the Foo Fighters are on the Rock Hall ballot for the first time. In a press release, Jagger says, “It’s a song that I wrote about coming out of lockdown, with some much needed optimism.” Grohl adds, “It’s the song of the summer, without a doubt!!”

Over here at Vulture, we’re not quite convinced. So we’ve broken down all of Jagger’s wild lyrics, based on whether they were eazy to listen to, or just made us feel sleazy (not in the Kesha sense, mind you). And while we’re just sticking to the particularly egregious verses here, don’t get us started on the line, “Everything’s smooth and greasy” in the chorus.

We took it on the chin

The numbers were so grim

Bossed around by pricks

Stiffen upper lips

SLEAZY: Bossed around because of bad COVID numbers? Did Van Morrison write that line?

Pacing in the yard

You’re trying to take the Mick

You must think I’m really thick

SLEAZY: We’d actually call that rhyme pretty thin.

Looking at the graphs

With a magnifying glass

Cancel all the tours

Football’s fake applause

EAZY: If we have to give these lines one thing, it’s that they’re mostly accurate! This pandemic has indeed involved graphs, canceled tours, and fake applause at sports games. But someone tell Mick he can put away the magnifying glass and just zoom in on his computer.

No more travel brochures

Virtual premieres

I’ve got nothing left to wear

EAZY: Again, mostly checks out — except that we’re supposed to believe Mick hasn’t been wearing sweats to virtual events like the rest of us.

That’s a pretty mask

But never take a chance

TikTok stupid dance

Took a samba class

EAZY: Give us the video evidence of Mick Jagger and Dave Grohl’s TikTok and samba dances.

I landed on my ass

Trying to write a tune

You better hook me up to Zoom

SLEAZY: Moratorium on culture that directly references Zoom when?

See my poncey books

Teach myself to cook

Way too much TV

It’s lobotomising me

SLEAZY: Only because we can’t call a line “eazy” that includes a word us silly Americans have never heard before. (Apparently, “poncey” means pretentious.)

Think I’ve put on weight

I’ll have another drink

then I’ll clean the kitchen sink

EAZY: You and us both.

Shooting the vaccine

Bill Gates is in my bloodstream

It’s mind control

The earth is flat and cold

SLEAZY: No. No no no no no!

It’s never warming up

The Arctic’s turned to slush

The second coming’s late

And there’s aliens in the deep state

SLEAZY: From bad COVID numbers to deep-state conspiratizing — what a turn this song has taken! We also must point out:
1. How can the Arctic turn to slush if it’s not warming?
2. It sure sounds like Jagger actually sings “The second’s coming late,” which we might be able to get behind as some sort of postmodern commentary about the passage of time during the pandemic. But alas, this song is not that.

Just How Bad Is Mick Jagger and Dave Grohl’s ‘Eazy Sleazy’?