On Thursday, the Centers for Disease Control released new mask-usage rules, immediately after which CDC director Rochelle Walensky had to do the press rounds reassuring everyone that, yes, it is completely safe for fully vaccinated Americans to ditch the mask. So, all we have to do is a country is trust every mask-less individual we meet is being upfront, honest, and truthful about receiving a vaccine, which, given the year we’ve just lived through, is not exactly the most reassuring mental state to be in when, say, dining indoors. To put the nation at ease, Dr. Anthony Fauci (Kate McKinnon) and the CDC Players took advantage of this week’s Saturday Night Live cold open to walk you through the various scenarios you might find yourself in during the next few weeks and months of transitional mask usage. Turns out, it’s confusing as hell, king.
“As you probably heard, we got some very good news this week, and I’m not just talking about J.Lo and Ben Affleck,” Fauci enthuses. “But a lot of people had questions, such as, ‘What does that mean?,’ ‘What the hell are you talking about?,’ ‘Is this a trap?’” As you might have guessed, being a CDC doctor does not mean one is a skilled performer, and their helpful vignettes leave you with more questions than answers. For example, where is this LGBTQ-friendly hot-dog shop, and when can we go to it? Is one mask really going to cut it as a bathing suit? And how much is the train from Florida to the United Kingdom? One thing’s for sure: Nothing is for sure, other than you need to get vaccinated already.