Hollywood Loses Its Goddamned Mind, Casts Timothée Chalamet As Willy Wonka

ENOUGH. Photo-Illustration: Vulture; Photos by Steve Granitz/WireImage and Paramount Pictures

Let this be a warning to all weary souls. Never fill out an enchanted Mad Libs given to you by a witch, or you just might end up with a [musical prequel] about the origins of a young, sexy [Willy Wonka] as played by [Timothée Chalamet], directed by the guy who made [Paddington]. This is real, breaking news from a totally entropic Hollywood, where a thousand Oompa Loompas on a thousand typewriters are remixing IP at a frightening clip. Deadline reports that “the story will focus on a young Willy Wonka and his adventures prior to opening the world’s most famous chocolate factory,” which is territory already trod by Tim Burton’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. (Michael Jackson Willy Wonka was sad because his dad was a dentist, remember?) It’s called Wonka, because that worked so well for Cruella and Dolittle and Mank, and it will feature numerous musical numbers. At least we know director Paul King is good at those.

Hollywood Loses Mind, Casts Timothée Chalamet As Willy Wonka