Somebody get a time machine and invite a young Stephen Colbert to an orgy. Looking at you, Paul Dinello. On Wednesday night’s Late Show monologue, Colbert riffed for a spell about the NYC Health Authority’s updated guidelines on safer sex in the time of COVID. One guideline could be read as an endorsement of glory holes, stating: “Be creative with sexual positions and physical barriers, like walls, that allow sexual contact while preventing close face-to-face contact.” Of course, the rest of the pamphlet is about potentially limiting one’s partners and being aware of vaccination status. So they’re not suggesting the classic glory hole experience, per se. Some of the guidelines involved proper ventilation for sex parties, and Colbert called bullshit. “I was a young man, a young teenager, and I heard stories and rumors in the adult sex world that there were sex parties and orgies and flesh pits,” he said. “Then I grew up and I found out there’s none of that. At least, for me, and I’m in show business.” Colbert said that the guidelines “hinted at a world of fucking that I know nothing about.” Then a guy in the balcony offered to show him the real sex parties. Colbert said no thanks. So who is really to blame for your orgy ignorance, then, Stephen? This is not the intellectual curiosity we expect from Peabody winners.